


Profanity

by FluffyGlitterPantsDragon



Series: Be Your Shelter [2]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: #TurnDownForWhump, #savelucifer, Angst, Blood and Violence, Cultists, Deckerstar - Freeform, Douchifer, For the most part, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Multi, No Smut, OT3, Physical Abuse, Restraints, Sexy Wounds, Trip to the Health and Human Resources Department, Whump, double decker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2019-10-04 05:19:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17298518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyGlitterPantsDragon/pseuds/FluffyGlitterPantsDragon
Summary: Dan and Chloe set out to make HR's life a living hell. Lucifer is devil-napped, and it's not pleasant. The calvary is called in the form of the Angel of Death.





	1. Any Minute

**Author's Note:**

> So, I was going to get back to work on Falling. Then darkstarius was like, 'give me sexy wounds!' and well. I had to. 
> 
> Non-smut story, Whump and H/C.
> 
> Tagging for AU, since the world of Lucifer doesn't really talk about magic much, and I introduce it here. Can you tell I play a lot of D&D?
> 
> Oh, right, thanks to GlitterSkullFairy for beta'ing this chapter!
> 
> \---------------------

Dan and Chloe tapped on the doorframe to HR.

The black woman squinted through stylish glasses at them with a sour expression, waving them in. “Oh, sweet Bast. Ahem. Decker? Espinoza?”

The two looked at each other, exchanging some secret sign that Lisa didn't care for in the slightest.

Espinoza spoke up. “Hey, Mrs. Summers, you got a second?”

“For you two? Sure, why not. Which file should I pull out? Both? Does this have something to do with Morningstar and Espinoza making out in the middle of the bullpen recently?”

Grey eyes flinched at that. “Er, yeah, grab his-”

Lisa huffed, bending and dragging a cardboard box with _handles_ out from directly under her desk. She stood and dropped it on top with a measured thump. The nameplate on her desk that read ‘L.A. Summers’ bounced from the weight. She pulled the lid off, set it aside, then turned to pull single manila folders out from a cabinet behind her, placing them flat next to the box, side by side.

She waited.

Dan cleared his throat, knowing and fearing the answer. “Which of those is-”

“The _box_ , detective. Please continue. Are you filing a complaint?”

Dan twitched. “No! No. actually...uhm, it’s not that at all.”

She looked pointedly at Decker. _Make my life Hell. I dare you._

Chloe stepped into the room, pulling up a chair. “Well. You know how Dan and I divorced last year?”

Without breaking eye-contact, Lisa flipped open each of their slim folders, each with a signed copy of the amicable divorce paperwork right on top, notarized and filed with the state of California. She might live for this shit a little too much. But hey, if you can’t enjoy your job a little...

Both people in her office shuffled in their chairs and looked at each other. Lisa relented, a little, “you getting back together? That's not weird. Decker, are you withdrawing your notice of dating Morningstar then? His box has been much easier while you two were together, so I'm sorry to see that end for that reason alone. No offense, Espinoza, you and the Devil make a cute couple and I hope you stay together, at least until after I’ve retired or transferred.” She hoped her voice conveyed enough sarcasm to indicate she didn’t give a shit either way on the couple thing.

He clasped his hands on the desk and cleared his throat. “You can probably keep the lid on Lucifer's box after all.” He grinned like he was a kid with stolen candy melting in his pocket.

She hated it. And she was rarely in the mood for games, especially after being nice for three seconds. Icily, “Oh?”

He did his stupid glance at Decker again. She nodded and smiled, but at least she appeared more reserved with a ‘get on with it’ look. He turned back at Lisa. “It's the three of us.”

Her brain stuttered. “Pardon?”

“Uhm. Us. And Lucifer. Officially dating. Poly? I guess.”

She really shouldn’t be _that_ surprised. And she mostly wasn't. Not much surprised her these days. “I see. Is anyone _else_ dropping in? You realize Morningstar will have to stop by too, at some point. I assure you, he well knows where my office is as he used to make _frequent_ visits. We practically had an established post-lunch check-in. By the way, half of the folders in the box are for suspects.” She allowed herself an internal bit of glee at their squirming reaction to that last bit. “And now you’re _both_ on my bad side since he almost always brought me a small apology gift when having to do more paperwork.” A tiny gift each time, so as to not break the rules for accepting such gifts. Just because he hated doing paperwork didn’t mean he hadn’t read the work manuals. He both ruined and brightened her afternoons on many occasions.

He flushed. “Er. No, just us.”

Returning to full professional mode, she set a pen down on the desk between the folders. “You realize people have come in claiming to ‘date' him before, and he had to refute it. Decker is the only one he hasn't. Granted, she's here now so that shouldn't be a problem. Do you have a start date of when _this_ began?”

Espinoza scratched his neck and glanced at Decker. “No?”

Decker, predictably, rolled her eyes. “No, we don't. A few months after Lucifer and I were on your books, if that's good enough.”

“Fine. Does Espinoza need a separate file? I mean, he's _getting_ one, but can I expect individual visits as well as joint? Nevermind, I'll just assume that will be the case. Sign this.” She produced a new paper form from her desk with multiple blank lines (six) and prepared typed paragraphs. She hadn’t gotten to pull out one of these forms in a while. It looked a lot like the standard two-person form she started out with, but this had been modified quite a bit.

The two looked at her in a way that felt incredibly satisfying to her ego. She pushed her glasses up her nose with the barest sliver of a smile. “It's 2018, boys and girls. This isn't the first time I've needed this particular sheet. And no, I won't divulge who was responsible for making my life Hell in creating _that_ form, but it wasn't your boyfriend. You aren't the first and you won't be the last ones to sign one like this.” She deliberately uncapped a Sharpie and drew straight through the three bottom lines, thickly.

She loved the smell of nervous detective in the morning. One of her little joys in life.

They looked properly chagrined. Decker reached for the regular ink pen, signing her name and printing it on the top line. To top it off, she was _legally_ Chloe Decker Espinoza while they were married, but preferred to be called Decker. After the divorce, she went back to her maiden name. She glanced up at Lisa over the pen and paper.  “I want to assure you it won't affect-”

Lisa interrupted her. “Yeah, it will. But if we're all incredibly lucky, the overall effect will remain that I won't have to pull Morningstar's box out as often as I did when he started here. I will say I was excluded from the dating betting pool because of my position, but, that works out great for me now since the going pool for how long you and he will last just got mucked up to Hell and back by this development. I get to stand back and watch that particular fallout happen. I might even make popcorn.”

Decker’s baby blues blinked in mild, true, shock. Dan laughed. “Okay, yeah, I might have thrown five bucks in that pool.”

Chloe’s eyes suddenly turned to lasers on him. “What? When?”

He shrugged defensively. “For the record, I threw it in the ‘six months’ pot. _No one_ put money on longer than that, since he doesn't do long term-”

Lisa turned her glare on him. He had a lovely squirm.

“- _didn't_ do long-term until now. And then, we didn't know about-”

Decker elbowed him unsubtly.

Lisa sighed. “Was that bit there anything I need to know?”

“No!” they replied as one.

She was unsurprised by the simultaneity of it. “Decker. You don't have anything else _important to add?”_

She looked genuinely confused for a moment, then shook her head, flushing. “Legally you can't ask that you know.”

Espinoza blinked like a fish out of water. If fish could blink. He didn’t quite make the connection. Good. If Decker was or got pregnant, Lisa did not look forward to working out who the father could be. She better go ahead and make up two sets of papers, just in case it happened. Knowing her luck, it probably would.

Lisa’s lip twitched. “And I didn't, did I? Just trying to stay ahead of things.” She passed the paper to Dan, who, to his credit, didn't balk a bit at printing his full name, signing and dating his line. He even gave a fond look to the third, empty line under theirs.

Time to start a new betting pool. Just because she couldn’t throw money in didn’t mean she wasn’t helping manage it.  “I’ll let you both know when your new _mandatory_ training sessions are for-”  
  
Dan groaned in a very satisfying _this-crap-better-be-worth-it_ kind of way.

“‘Relationships in the Workplace’. Morningstar can attend at his leisure since he’s only a consultant. Since he’s not here now, one of you can tell him he needs to drop by to schedule that too. Luckily for you, Espinoza, this is only your first one in a while. You get to do it all over again with your ex-wife. At the same time, if you want. Morningstar too if you can wrangle him, but I have yet to schedule him for anything he’ll stick too. Usually, I have to just haul his ass over when he’s bored.”

He squirmed. “Sure.”

“So, when, _I ask optimistically_ , can I expect him today?”

Decker patted her ex-husband's wrist affectionately, and Lisa changed around her internal bet, a little put out she couldn't throw money in the ‘Morningstar Shipping Pool.’

Espinoza replied with a returning grin, “any minute now.”

* * *

 

Lucifer woke in the dark. The heat of his own breath felt heavy on his face, stuffy and stagnant. Something covered his head. Maybe more than one something, hard to say.

That was the first weird thing.

The sharp, stabbing pain in the back of his skull was the second, and much more immediate problem.

_The Hell?_

He lifted his head but the darkness moved with him, fabric falling against his face. As he tilted his head, a line of light moved with his vision, points of flame pricking through the covering along a flat line all around him, he thought. He moved to grab said fabric off his head with a sharp growl; the action was halted by an answering constriction of his arms and shoulders. His wrists were virtually numb where they weren’t shot through with phantom pins and needles.

This would not do.

His mouth felt full of cotton and something else? his tongue was swollen and less than responsive to his commands. On the plus side, the headache rapidly faded, leaving his pulse thumping in his brain. He opened his lips to call out for Chloe or Dan, as one of them must be near for this to be happening, but a further foul wrapping on his face prevented it, with something stuffed in his mouth to add insult to injury. It tasted like acidic, bad garlic.

_Well then. This was now firmly in the category of ‘novelty.’_

His weak twitching caught the attention of someone.

The hood, lying loosely open around his neck, got yanked off with a flourish that gave him immediate relief from smelling his own breath but did little else in the way of improving his situation. Footsteps retreated quickly.

He had a view now, at the minimum.

He blinked with dry eyes that ached and his eyelids fully separated only with sticking effort. He couldn't touch his eyes to wipe them off, and it was maddening.

Bone-white fat candles a foot or so in height encircled him, with enough space for him to lie spread eagle with room to spare, had he been able to do that, making it around eight to ten feet across.

A robed figure stood in the shadows at his feet, of which he noted with growing alarm were bare. He wiggled his toes to be sure, and the ones in his field of view did, in fact, respond, the nude gloss of his pedicure reflecting candlelight. His knees, too, were bare.

He tried to roll on his back, but that’s where his hands were bound. His neck clenched in frustration, unable to even make a sound. He tried to breathe in through his mouth and the stale, acrid garlic punched him in the throat and lingered there. He could exhale but it took effort and didn't ease his raw throat. He tried looking at more of his surroundings and ignored the rude fellow in the line of candles. The ceiling held mysteries and no windows, only an iron chandelier with symbols in red marked on it, barely visible in the light from the ground. It held narrow candles above him whose light didn't reach the ceiling. There appeared to be several black iron snakes woven into the hanging structure.

 _How archaic_.

The hard floor under him thrummed with a tingling power that was both familiar and not.

 _Sometimes the old magic was the best_.

Where did that thought come from?

He looked down now, really looking, his dry eyes sweeping his own body and stopping. He wore only a swath of fraying silk that appeared to be jet black and tied or perhaps tucked artistically rather than clasped with any metal, plastic or other pinnings. At least he didn't feel any. Another narrow length wrapped around his upper chest, tight to the point of discomfort, unlike his sort-of skirt. The upper strap restricted his ability to take a full breath.

To be sure of his looser covering, he rubbed his naked thighs together and confirmed he had only that and no undergarments, along with the cloth across his face and his various bindings.

Well then. Still not worse than being burned alive. So far. He was still on the mortal plane as well, so he had that in his favor. He tested the bonds at his wrists and found them...adequate to the task, which was worrisome.

Pulling his ankles into his view for further assessment, he found more of the same cloth, wrapped tight enough in centimetre or so-wide strips to cut off most of his circulation but oddly not harsh on his skin. They were bound side by side, with no give to cross his ankles, so sitting comfortably was right out. It was hard to tell in the dark, but there did seem to be a number of layers, not just one or two passes. Not rope.

_Why was that important?_

It left him immobile, his ankles covered by several inches of silk cloth wrappings rather than one single binding of rope or cuffs. His wrists were more tightly restricted than even that, his forearms stacked on top of each other and bound lengthwise, pulling his shoulders back uncomfortably. A weight indicated a chain to top it all off but not a heavy one, oddly.

This was getting worse and worse.

Wriggling, He came face to face with a red marking on the floor that made his blood finally run ice cold.

Cultists.

Not just any cultists either. Ones who read the _original_ scripts, not the ones invented by himself all that time ago to bury _those_ scripts. Apparently, he wasn't 100% successful in that endeavor.

He never knew who released those originals, which of his miserable family members or maybe even Lilith, but the very existence of the words were another layer of sealing him to Hell itself, another step between himself and Heaven.

That he never wanted to go back to the Silver City was irrelevant.

At the moment, he lay on a surface that restrained him in multiple ways. The magic embedded in the design pulled him down, making him feel heavy, tired.

Why? Did they know what they were doing? How long did they mean to keep him here? For what purpose?

He managed, with extreme difficulty, to sit up and take better stock of his surroundings, tipping up with his feet in front of him.

Now that the candle flames were below eye-level, he could focus a bit more. The figure hadn’t budged a millimeter, but he felt directed interest. His hair felt like it stuck out at an angle and he tried to reach to fix it. It didn't work. He got his hands to twitch but nothing more. At least his fingers were free, as were his toes. He flexed his hands experimentally, allowing blood flow back into his various digits.

This was not good. He just wasn’t sure how ‘not good’ it was just yet.

The distinct lack of taunting after he woke up, he was pretty sure, wasn’t a good sign either. He'd seen more than enough hero/villain flicks to guess how this was supposed to go, not that he thought of himself as a hero. Really, just one word out of his kidnappers would be expected from a host.

The figure either wasn't allowed to talk to him couldn't. But it watched in heavy silence. It made no move to signal to his captors that he was awake. Making this a singular captor, or simply that well disciplined. Maybe this miserable location was wired with cameras.

Maybe not.

The drab, formless body covering revealed nothing of the gender of the watcher. He twisted in place, but no others were present. A single goat skull watched him with empty eye sockets from the edge of the circle. He snorted, rolling his eyes.

Theatrics.

The cloth rode up under him, leaving his ass in contact with the - now that he could tell, cold and damp concrete floor. Underground then, probably. It wasn't comfortable. He wondered why they bothered with concrete instead of an earth or stone floor.

The figure could have been a statue swaddled in fabric, save that he _felt_ the gaze of the wearer.

The thing in his mouth was interfering with his ability to scent out humans and was a damned bother either way. He should have _something_ to work with by this point, and now he was just getting angry. He needed _something_ to go on — an accent from the figure, language, disposition, _anything._

The covering of his, his? eyes must be a deliberate measure.

He tried looking above the line of candles to gain some useful dark vision. More lights flicked silently in the black, several meters back, stars save for the cupola splash of reflected light behind each one. They were numerous as well, leaving the impression of an enormous structure, maybe a carved cavern, maybe a dome or oval. Most likely dome, for circles.

As he watched, one flame burned out and was immediately replaced by an unseen attendant. There was at least one other in the room — either an open door or none. The candle flames closest to him made it impossible to make out the floor beyond.

He noted that after his blood circulation started to restore itself, the pain faded to virtually nothing. He cupped his toes and dragged his feet across the ground, catching a nail and pulling it.

No pain.

Pressure though. He could always still hurt himself, even tear the nail if he tried.

No detectives nearby. He exhaled a small sigh of relief and the robed figure finally reacted, shifting minutely. He sensed a passing curiosity, but no alarm.

Perhaps they were unaware of the vulnerability. That could be useful. Of course, the likelihood that he had been delivered to this lot without active participation on their part seemed next to nil. The setup had to have been done days in advance, or longer.

Right then.

Lucifer debated on extending his wings, but this wasn't the time for it just yet. His shoulders shivered all the same. He felt his wings desiring to spring loose, the only things unbound.

The figure tensed, shifting again with alertness.

Or were they unbound?

The wings, by their very nature, pass through anything made by men. They shuddered violently in their flesh pockets, unable to unfurl, accompanied by a flash of cramping pain. His bindings, or at least the specific one across his chest, were not made by men.

He accidentally inhaled another sulfur-filled breath through his mouth and tried to cough. The chest binding was too tight to allow it.

The figure relaxed.

That was what it was waiting for.

Lucifer saw white-skinned fingers appear and clasp themselves in front. It bowed to him in severe contrast to his current state of 'captive'. A male voice emitted from behind a thick fabric face mask that was draped to hide the contours of his face as much as his body. “My apologies, Lord Lucifer. If you agree not to try to escape the circle or your other bindings, we are willing to remove the gag. It's mundane.”

His skin would have blazed if he had the Devil form By the same token, his bindings would have burned to ash for that same reason, regardless of their origin.

Probably.

“I understand that kind of agreement is difficult to accept. We are willing to modify it for shorter increments.”

Lucifer held perfectly still, eyes flashing red then fading back.

“Very well, Lord.” The figure bowed again and stepped back, through an opening in the candles. He bent and moved more into position to fill the gap.

Lucifer noted there was a complete ring of melted wax under the line of candles, built up over time. He’d either been here already for some time, or this circle has been used as a ritual site before. Recently or otherwise. Perhaps with a test subject. Maze?

_Why did they think his voice mattered? Because they can't restrain the power of his persuasive voice? Had he other powers still available to him?_

He got his knees under himself, twisting to get a look at the chain. It was unshining black with a long four-sided spike at the end that lay on its side, clean and matte with uneven edges itself. Old. Curious, Lucifer used his body motion to pull at the chain, which flexed while the length of iron spike didn't move an iota, despite being not sunken into the floor or otherwise visibly anchored to the ground.

A drop-weight spike. Enchanted. One of three possible such spikes. It wouldn't move from its position unless touched again by the person who placed it. Annoying buggers.

That person would certainly not be the one in front of him. If it were so, his death would sever the link of power and he would be free again. Of that aspect, anyway. He found it unlikely his captors would risk it.

The same voice carried from beyond the light. “Cold-wrought iron chains. The circle was drawn with the blood of day-old lambs and sealed with ash. Other mechanisms are in place. We regret the extremes we had to take but fear no other chance will present itself. I will attend any needs you have as I am able to.”

Lucifer squinted. Great. He probably had ash up his butt. Again.

His captor continued, “your consort weakens you, Lord. That's how you were taken. Admittedly, this took time to arrange and have ready. She is unharmed since the fault isn't hers. It is only because of her presence that you were...secured.”

They didn't know everything. He almost laughed, shaking his head. Them knowing that much was a problem, but they didn’t mention Daniel, who was no miracle. They didn’t know Dad had naught to do with his onset of vulnerability, as he entirely dismissed the idea that any Powers That Be would put the pair of him in his path.

Didn’t get rid of the problem now, either though.

The figure departed, leaving him in nearly total silence. His jaw ached. He may not be in pain, per se, but the unknown thing in his mouth aggravated him badly. He worked his tongue and teeth but he only came up with leaves and pointed thorns. Perhaps actual fermented garlic, a bit of vinegar and...thistle?

It wasn't pleasant.

Assuming the figure remained nearby, he grunted a questioning sound.

He was. “Lord, are you reconsidering the deal?”

He narrowed his eyes at the dark.

“You should know that I will be killed if I attempt to free you. I understand you care about such things now.” The voice dipped sadly. “I am nothing to you, nor should I be.”

Rage that he hadn't felt in some time flushed his veins. The attendant called the gag mundane. He crushed the thing in his mouth, chewing it up and swallowing it, though it took an effort of willpower to get through the disgusting mass that felt like eating crickets soaked in fermented garlic oil. He finally made room for his tongue to pull the fabric between his teeth and gnaw it until it frayed and broke.

He still had his strength.

He put his head down to the cool floor and inhaled several breaths through his mouth to clear it as much as possible. When he looked up again, the man hadn't moved, he thought. The circle depressed some of his senses, but the taste lingered and he couldn’t spit enough to get the miserable flavor out, not without some kind of replacement fluid. He was dry enough as it was, but no refreshments appeared to be forthcoming.

Talk about shitty hosts.

He finally worked up enough saliva to ungracefully remove loose bits of whatever horror that was, noting the fragments that came out were black. He took in as deep a breath as he could manage, drilling the man with his gaze. “I'm going to tear your heart out with my bare hands and piss on it.”

The figure inclined his head and walked away.

* * *

Dan found himself rubbing idly at the faded ring scar that had been slowly healing over only the last year or so. He wasn’t really sure where his gold wedding band was, to his slight regret. He lost it in a drunken haze. It was somewhere in his apartment, he thought, but then again, it might not be.

Not that he wanted to wear it again. Not the original. The symbolism trumped practicality if they took anything more seriously. Whatever happened, there weren't exactly any _legal_ options.

They might have to move to Utah.

Lunch came and went with no sign of his Devil boyfriend. It wouldn't be the first time he got distracted by something shiny. But usually it didn't happen on days with an active murder case. Lucifer almost always made sure he was available for suspect interrogations. This had to be the first time he had really _vanished_ since dating Chloe, that he knew of.

By the time case work was done, it was nearly six PM, and Dan had been flipping files for several minutes without actually looking at them. He straightened to get up and find Chloe, but she found him first.

She came over and squeezed his shoulder, getting his attention. Even when they were married, that was the height of the amount of affection she ever showed in public to him. He understood the desire to look professional, even when all he wanted to do was sweep her into a nearby closet. Her expression stopped those thoughts in their tracks. She asked, “have you seen Luce? I haven't heard anything  since we left the penthouse this morning and I'm getting...anxious.”

He went down the mental list. “You called him?”

“Yeah, nothing. Goes straight to voicemail. No response to text either, not even emojis.”

“Email?”

“Nope.”

“How about Maze?”

“Haven't tried yet.”

“When should we worry?”

“I'd say when Maze does, but I'm going to go ahead and call her.”

No answer.

Chloe bit her lip. “Great. Well, I mean, what kind of trouble can he get into?”

They exchanged a look and headed for Ella's lab.

* * *

Chloe tapped on Ella's lab door.

The woman pulled out her earphones, her smile fading as they piled in. “Hey guys? Who got murdered?”

“We can't find Lucifer. We haven't seen him since this morning, Maze isn't picking up and we don't know how to reach Amenadiel. Are you uh, in contact with Az?”

Ella's eyes grew saucer sized. “She's usually pretty busy, but I can usually, uhm, reach her?”

Chloe nodded. “Sure, you have her number?”

“She doesn't have a phone, I have to pray to her. And that still kinda feels weird? Like where I grew up, you only pray to the Big Guy, and frankly these days, I'm a little more worried about that kind of thing, you know?”

Dan and Chloe looked at each other. He asked first, “well, I'm not. I think. Can I pray to her?”

“Oh, gosh, would you?”

He looked curiously at her.

Ella turned on the puppy eyes. “I mean, she’s the Angel of Death, and I don’t want to bother her unless it’s super important. If I see her, it’s because she has a spare half hour or so and she just drops in and we can watch Rick and Morty for a few minutes and have nachos. There aren’t a lot of people that know her name, so hardly anyone ever talks to her.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Okay, I need to hear her opinion on that show at some point. But. Just pray? Would that work with the others?” _The others. The other angels. That we have regular interaction with now._ “Uh, do they talk back?”

She shook her head. “No, it’s strictly one-way. And it probably won’t work with Amenadiel, since, you know.”

“Okay. Then, just like, ‘Hey, Az? Your brother might be in trouble?’”

“Nooooo, you have to be really way more specific than that. There are a lot of brothers, you have to use her whole name, and pretend you’re like, a Jedi and trying to contact Luke across the galaxy with your mind. Out loud alone isn’t good enough. You can do both though, out loud and in your head, but just in your head works too. Or so she’s told me.”

“Do I have to, uh. Kneel?” he knew he was dealing with incredibly powerful beings, but still, having sexual relations with one of them skewed his thought processes toward ‘people with wings’. Lucifer’s overall non-serious nature too wasn’t helping. If he has to kneel though, he’s doing it in a closet.

“I usually do. I mean, for Rae-Rae, it’s a risk of being a pretty big imposition. I want her to know that I’m taking my responsibility as ‘knowing’ seriously.”

Chloe squeezed his shoulder. “If you duck below the windows, behind her table, no one will see you.”

His palms broke out in a light sweat. “Want to help?”

Her hand twitched. “I’m not in practice. It’s been decades since I’ve prayed, and even then, I can’t remember the last time I actually meant it. I know you’ve done it more recently.”

“I mean, usually Grace, if anything. But okay.”

Chloe peeked out through the lab windows. Seeing no one looking their way, she gave him a quick kiss.

“Okay, you know, getting down on the floor here is going to give me other ideas too.”

She swatted him playfully and he found a spot on a floor mat, settling himself and trying to focus. _This is for Lucifer. Don’t fuck this up. Actually, Luce? Uhm. Lucifer? Morningstar? If you can hear me, we’re worried about you._ He paused for a moment to arrange his wording that hopefully made some sort of sense to Lucifer if he even got it, then he moved on to Azrael. _Uhm. Jedi Dan to Azrael - Hey, Angel of Death, please don’t worry, but-_

Azrael popped in immediately with a flash of black wings, yanking Dan up to his feet, despite her very short stature. “Is Ella okay? I didn’t see anything-” She saw Ella, dropped Dan and ran over and squeezed her quickly. She pulled back with a bit of a judgey look. “You look okay.”

Chloe ran to the blinds and started closing them one by one.

Dan brushed his knees off, sparing half a second to review his life. “Ella is fine, it’s Lucifer we can’t find. Normally, it’s not weird for him to be out of contact-”

Az squinted at him, vanished for about three seconds in another swirl of air and feathers, then came back. “I can’t find him. Where is he supposed to be?”

“On his way here. He told us. Uhm. That he can still go to Hell but it’s not great for him right now. Please don’t-”

She flutter-vanished again.

“-Bring any ash back with you.”

When she re-appeared, it was with only a few flakes of ash on her wings. “I can’t actually ‘go’ there anyway, just look in. He’s not in Hell either. Or the Silver City.”

Ella scrambled to keep her notes more or less in place with the air displacement. “What does that mean?”

“He's hidden. He's not dead. I saw Uriel when he died, but he couldn't cross…” she shuddered, trailing off.

Dan looked at Chloe first for some reason. She shrugged in response, asking, “Uriel?”

Azrael's face tightened. “One of our brothers. Lucifer killed him.”

Neither seemed to know how to respond to that. Chloe found a chair to sit in. “Was this...a while ago?”

“No. Just last year.”

She felt the blood drain from her face. “Why?”

“You should probably ask him, once we find him.”

“Is it...related? Do you know why he could be missing now? Did something change?”

Azrael (Chloe just couldn't think of her as Rae-Rae) inclined her head. “Well, not to put too fine a point on it, but you did. You, and Daniel.”

“Because we know things we shouldn't?”

“Might be. I'm not omniscient. But it is something newish. From a ‘this plane' standpoint, it might be the committed relationship thing. That at least gives you something to work from if he's been taken and not just hiding himself.”

Dan shifted. “Would he do that? Hide himself?”

“I'd normally say it's more likely than not, but I believe he would have told you that he was doing it, so as to avoid this exact situation.”

“So, you're saying he really has been kidnapped? What can do that? Has it ever happened before?”

“Another archangel could, but Mike isn't...subtle. The other set of twins aren't as invested In the doings of earth, or Lucifer.”

Mike. _Michael_. Chloe rubbed her face. “Lucifer never told us he was a twin. I guess it doesn't matter. Okay, for now, we're going to just assume that we _can_ in fact, do something.  Here, on Earth, who could do it? What here has the power to kidnap and slash or hold Lucifer?”

Ella, Dan, and Chloe waited while the angel held up a hand to list options with her fingers. “A dragon, but they're all sleeping- I checked. Two - Eve could possibly seduce him to the Garden but that's not likely; that spot is also protected from the outside and he could still leave on his own. Third, some priests on earth have a special connection to Father, and several of them working together might contain him, like an Infinity Stone, but not for long. Fourth-”

Dan interjected, “an Infinity what?”

Ella whispered, “Guardians of the Galaxy, dude.”

“Oh. Right. Sure.” And quite obviously tried hard not to think about that at all.

Az continued, “ _Fourth,_ a cult of Satan Worshippers could hide him, but probably not restrain him. Fifth, and again with possible worshippers, there are spell-casters; witches, sorcerers, whatever you want to call them, who could probably do it, but they tend not to show themselves. Lastly, and this would put him out of the range of your help - another ‘god’ could do it.”

His brain broke just a little. “I thought there was only one...God?”

“Father and Mother are the creators of this reality, but they also made lesser beings, above archangels but below themselves to rule over and run other galaxies, or clusters of galaxies. That said, they don’t/didn’t appreciate it when one of their ‘gods’ got uppity and have been replaced from time to time. If any of those tried to steal one of Father’s children, He wouldn’t stand for it, even if it was Lu.”

And there goes the rest of his brain.

Az dropped her hand, looking at him. “Daniel?”

“Yeah. Okay. Fine. How about the priests?”

“I’ll get a hold of Amenadiel and get him to start doing some footwork and check the local churches and cathedrals. He may be fallen, but he should still have a sense of what to look for, who to talk to. As for the Satanists and spell-casters, we should find Ley Line intersections. Most of them have been accurately mapped by mortals, already, so you and Chloe and Ella can start working up a list of coordinates to try out. Once you do, I can confirm whether they’re real, fake or they’ve moved.”

Chloe nodded, sorting things into ‘can do’ and ‘can’t do’ lists, zeroing in on the things she can do to help. While Dan was off collecting his scattered nerves, she was standing there, notebook in hand and jotting down things like this was any other case.

Which it kind of was, actually.

Azrael was saying something in response to a question from Chloe he entirely missed.

“-but belief does give some people powers. Not everyone, mind you, and it’s usually not really noticeable, but it does happen. It’s why you heard more about magic in the past. It used to be more common, but fewer people believe in it. Even the person observing can affect a spell-caster if they don’t believe it’ll work.”

Dan tried to catch up. “So that’s why there are no fairies?”

She nodded, sadly. “Yes, exactly. They died out a few hundred years ago.”

“I didn’t actually mean - well, crap. I better not tell Trix.”

“So. I'll find Ami. And see if I can find Maze too and get looking.”

Her wings poked out, unfurling.

Ella bit her lip. “Hug?”

“Oh my gosh! Yes! Azrael’s wings embraced her friend in a hug of arms and feathers as Dan looked on with a lead weight in his stomach.

* * *

Lucifer jerked his head up. Something tickled the back of his head and for once, it felt promising. He focused inward, taking note of the disciple reacting to his change in posture.

He deliberately returned to his position, pretending it was just a neck cramp, which wasn't hard to do.

Daniel's voice trickled in, but through a fog... _This is for Lucifer. Don’t fuck this up. Actually, Luce? Uhm. Lucifer? Morningstar? If you can hear me, we’re worried about you, Feathers. I really hope this is all just a paranoid reaction on our part, but we haven’t heard from you all day, or Maze, either, actually. Can I pray at Maze? Nevermind, that’s probably not a good idea. Your Dad doesn’t seem to give a shit, so I’m leaving him out of this for now. I don’t even know if this is working at all, but, if it is, please be okay. Call or something if you can, okay, Luce? I’m gonna try Az, next, so seriously, if everything is fine, please please please just pop in here before I ring up the Angel of Death. No? Drat. I should have written this down first. Lucifer, everything is fine, right? Please be okay. Right. Okay, your sister-_

And then it cut off.

It had been a long time since anyone prayed to him. At least one that he paid attention to and wasn’t batshit crazy. Not that Daniel didn’t sound a bit off. A smile threatened his mouth before he clamped it down. His captors didn’t need to know about it.

He couldn’t pretend to be wholly unaffected. It was a physical relief to hear a friendly voice, to know they finally figured out something had happened. He threw a look at his looming overseer, who may or may not have tensed up. Hard to tell in those heavy robes.

Which meant there was no ransom note. Or at least not one sent to the precinct. Daniel or Chloe would have been made aware of it, even if they weren’t permitted to act due to personal conflict, and it sounded like Chloe was nearby. Possibly a ransom request had been sent to Amenadiel, depending on if they were aware of anything else they shouldn’t be aware of. Perhaps there was no note at all, but they knew to pray to specific angels and were working with one. Who would go through humans though to do this?

He desperately wanted to fidget.

Maze was missing too. Did that mean they had her in a separate place? She would be easier to hold then he. If they were smart, they’d keep her unconscious. Was she a guinea pig for his circle set up? Daniel was right; she can’t receive prayers - she might be alone and without even that much contact.

He decided to dub the attendant in front of him ‘Tim’ since he wasn’t feeling particularly creative at the moment and had no other context. He looked up until he was sure Tim was looking at him again. “Where am I?”

Tim cocked his head slightly. “You don’t know?”

That made him shiver. Should he know? He looked up and around again for more clues. Underground. Candles. Wide space. Probably still in California judging by the color of the rocks down here, but Mexico was possible too. There might be some salt in the open air as well, which was often assumed to have a depressing effect on the supernatural. Sometimes it actually did. He was immune to such paltry party tricks. Maze wasn’t though.

He frowned down at his Lord. “It must be working better than we thought it would.”

“Hm. I must be in an older Satanist temple. Your lot didn’t like to advertise who they bowed down to, did they? Got it all wrong by the way, Father doesn’t like sharing. Even if I cared about Dad’s opinion, I’m generally opposed to being worshipped. Granted, I don’t exactly feel that I'm being deferred to right now.” He pulled out his best seductive smile, searching the cloak hood for any glint of eyes at all, but it seemed Tim’s entire face was completely covered. No harm in trying anyway. “I’m all alone down here, apparently helpless, and I’m clearly not going anywhere any time soon. Darling, why don’t you take just a little pity on me and give me a tiny hint about what all this nonsense is for? You keep calling me Lord, do you serve me or not?”

Tim took half a step back. “I’m sorry, Lord. Your restraint is necessary to keep you in the ritual as cast. But all this is being done for the betterment-” he stopped, his breath stuttering sharply and slapped himself. Actually did it, the dull smack of his hand on cloth echoing roughly in the hollowed out cave or whatever this was. Lucifer got the impression that his mouth flattened in a grim line as he tensed up again and bowed to Lucifer at the waist. “I’m sorry, Lord.”

“If you aren’t yet, you will be. At least tell me how long I am to be here.”

“Until the ritual is complete.”

“Oddly enough, I’m not seeing anyone else standing around chanting.”

“Of our members, I’m the most resistant, in theory, to your powers.”

“And why is that?”

“I”d rather not say. You’ve met some people from time to time who are that way, yes?”

 _Chloe. Daniel._ Probably others too. People he commonly referred to as ‘complicated’ though less complex humans didn’t have the same level of resistance. It wasn’t a light switch. He didn’t volunteer names.

“You have, then.”

Lucifer huffed. “I don’t suppose you’ll be telling me _which_ codswallop, bullshit, fairy dust spell you’re attempting to cast?”

“Not I. It’s a banish-” The figure straightened again, holding himself up. “I should go now. Perhaps I underestimated your ability to overcome the dampening effects of... _this._ ”

Lucifer twisted in place again, to try and get a better view of what the script wrote out. “Banishment? You’re trying to _banish_ me? To where?” _Balls_. He knew. He fought his bonds again, nearly falling over in the process. “I won’t stay there, you know. Your efforts are for naught. I can leave as soon as you send me. Nary a millisecond will pass before I’m back here and tearing your entire stupid wine-and-book club apart!”

Tim shrugged.

“You have a plan for that, do you? Whatever it is, you’re wrong. Horrifically.”

Tim twitched a bit at that. Oh, perhaps a tinge of pride he could coax out? He was nothing if not a sin detective. Lucifer went on, blowing on the embers of a possibility, words nearly spitting out of his mouth. “Whatever you think you can do, it won’t take. I can only be harmed by Hell-forged blades, or as you recently deduced, a _consort_ being present. You _obviously_ have neither, since I'm still here. You must know me well enough to be aware that I don’t lie, so I’m telling you that you’ve made a grave error in your limited judgment, you inferior excuse for one of Dad’s beloved creations!”

“I am not His creation. I renounced Him, as you have!”

Lucifer felt his ire rising with internal heat. He still had access to some deep core of Hell-power. “That changes not the circumstances of your birth. That makes you His, whether you like it or not. We’re both in that boat, my idiotic friend. Whatever you think you’re doing, you’ll not escape _me_ once you perish. I’ll be visiting your cell personally. Often. Maybe I’ll just move in for a few thousand years.”

“You don’t know who I am!”

He felt his eyes start to burn and let them slowly brighten as he spoke. He may not have his full form, but he had this. “Oh, but I do know you. I know the taste of your soul. Even with that absurd talisman you stuffed in my throat, I’d find you again. Perhaps, _perhaps_ not on Earth if you leave right now and never return, oh but I will find you in Hell. Maybe not immediately, I may not know it when you arrive, but I’ll look for you after a suitable period of time has passed. Your aura is like a thumbprint, only more distinctive, more like your DNA itself. If anyone told you you’d be hidden from me by a stupid mask, perhaps you and they should have a chat with my Demon.”

“Only God knows-”

Lucifer shouted in interruption, “you suddenly sound like a simpering _priest._ Dad _knows_ everything - or claims it so, anyway. That doesn’t mean I or my brethren lack talents.”

A door opened. He was running out of time to make this useful. “There’s not a _damn_ thing you can do here and now to keep me from coming back and hunting you down. In Hell, I can get out of this sodding holiday roast dressing in seconds and return for my vengeance.”

Tim snapped, “That’s going to be difficult after your wings are carved off!”


	2. Ella vs. Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan, Chloe and the rest of the Tribe get their Detective faces on. The Cultists, or at least one of them, begins to think they haven't thought their clever plan through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks much to GlitterSkullFairy for whipping this chapter into shape. Shes a godsend. Devilsend?

One thing remained of Lucifer’s recent presence; his black Corvette sat silently outside Chloe’s apartment, in its usual spot. Chloe started to reach out to touch it before remembering not to contaminate any potential clues. The morning started like most did in the last couple of months. His lips quick and soft on hers at the door. The view of the tender, smiling kiss he gave Dan, touching his jaw gently like it wasn’t the hundredth or so time they’d done exactly this. It always made her knees a little weak, her stomach flutter just a little, replaying newly minted memories in a more private setting with that same kiss.

Lucifer’s lips pressed sinful and chaste at the same time, careful and passionate, promising and reminding all in the same moment. He had his suit jacket slung over his shoulder, mentioning he had various errands to run before meeting them at a ‘less ungodly hour’ at work. She asked him to bring donuts when he got in. When he agreed to the errand, it was a foregone certainly boxes of pastries would arrive with him. He never forgot a promise, even simple ones.

Trixie chattered away in the back seat in good spirits that morning, all the way to school. It was just like any other Monday. Well, like any other Monday since she and her ex-husband started dating the Devil. The routine had become comfortable, not unlike when she and Dan got together, juggling living arraignments. It was all new and different and somehow, all still the same.

Neither parent had a reason to look back, to make sure Lucifer actually got in his car. They didn’t know the range of the vulnerability bubble problem, and Chloe had never felt more guilty over not nailing that down by now.

Whoever moved in for him must have planned the abduction to the second, ready to spring a trap on an unsuspecting celestial being. Lucifer could have fought off anything mortal. Probably.

Assuming the Devilnappers were even human themselves. Chloe, to her chagrin, realized her hand was resting on the windshield frame of the car. She hadn’t intended to do that but her subconscious must have taken over while she daydreamed. Her fingers tingled with a sudden biting sting and she jerked back, rubbing her hands together. The sensation faded, but it didn’t feel like a static discharge.

There was no visible blood scattered on the ground or car, not to the naked eye, but Ella came armed and ready to hunt down any possible clue that might be available.

Wielding a blacklight wand like it was a Roman Eagle Standard, she bore a grim determination that her will would not be thwarted for any adversary - mortal or otherwise. With a flick of her wrist, the gleaming black car lit up in blues and purples in the dying sunset light.

Chloe saw a problem. She tried to keep her face still, but Dan smirked too, in spite of everything. They peeked at each other over Ella's head.

Ella raised her eyebrows, momentarily stumped at where to look first before turning to them with disbelief. “What have you guys been _doing_ in this thing anyway? Guys, the interior looks like the 80’s skating rink downtown.”

Dan scratched his neck and deflected, “you go skating?”

“I may or may not occasionally participate in a local roller derby. So, Decker, about this dance party?”

“I plead the fifth,” there wasn’t a lot of space in that car, with only the two seats, but that didn’t mean one couldn’t be creative. Or you know, all of them. _Five o’clock shadow pricking the skin between her breasts through her open blouse. The steering wheel against her ass and the door open for the extra leg room. Dan with darkening eyes and warm hands._ Chloe cleared her throat. “What are you looking for? Maybe I can help you narrow it down?”

“Well. I kinda hoped for a biological trail. If the attacker left any DNA behind, I'm not gonna find it inside the car.” She flashed it around on the ground, looking for flecks of blood or anything else. “But, if he was knocked out, and he’d kind of have to be, and they dragged him - here!” She pounced on a narrow path of spots leading away from just outside the driver’s side door of the car. It lead straight to...an empty square less than a block away. Another vehicle had occupied the space in the time the original one left. Chloe peeked in through the car’s windows just to be sure, but it belonged to someone she knew; nothing out of the ordinary inside. No bodies or injured devils.

Chloe thought about kicking the tires of the unoffending car all the same. “This is still good; we have a place to start from now. Can you get anything else from the Corvette?”

While they walked back, Ella dug around in her bag for a pair of gloves in a sealed package. “I can try for fingerprints, but the best bet will be to talk to your neighbors now.”

Dan nodded, glancing around for open windows of likely residences. “Anything else?”

“Well, we know he was taken from here - There are no security cameras here on the street, but there are cameras in the city for traffic. Now that we know where and when to look, we can try to spot the car or, more likely, a van that exited out of the neighborhood right after you guys left. I think there are only a few ways out, right? Might narrow down our field.”

That sounded promising. The kidnappers - and now they knew it really was kidnappers - would have their hands full if they didn’t plan it down to the smallest detail, but as long as they were tracking other humans, she could get her hands dirty and do her job hunting them. “Okay, then I can hopefully get a plate number, or at least a description. An unmarked van will be hell to keep track of, but if we can get a plate, I can put out a BOLO for it.”

“It really depends on if they bothered with a fake plate or not, but that doesn’t mean it’ll be a dead end even if they did. You can’t get through a city like LA without being seen by someone.”

Dan squeezed her arm. “This is the part we do great at. I mean, not always before a body turns up...but forewarned is forearmed, right?”

Chloe jerked away. “You don’t think they’re going to kill him, do you?”

“I mean, it wouldn’t actually do any good, right? He’s eternal - he wouldn’t stay dead.”

She glared. “He shouldn’t be able to be taken either. There’s still so much we don’t know about him and his so-called-family,” her heart clenched a little more as flecks of material were revealed under the blacklight again by the car. “With a few exceptions, I suppose. Do you think Rae-Rae would know what could keep him under? I mean, if they know he can be hurt, that’s one thing…”

“It’s not something I ever asked,” Ella slowly walked a full circle around the outside of the Corvette, looking for more trails. “These creeps were super careful. I can’t even tell how many jumped Lu. I kinda think it was just one at first, so he wouldn’t get suspicious. Probably a big dude, in case he had to carry our boy off by himself. If there wasn't at least one other person in the getaway ride, either to drive or to sit on Luce, I'll eat my skates.”

She looked down at the sidewalk. “Lucifer is tall but slender. Someone _had_ to have noticed something like a guy being slung over someone’s shoulder and carted off.”

“Maybe one of your neighbors has a doorbell camera or was watching out for a package delivery. See how these bio spots are all nice and regular? None of the blood or whatever got smeared around on the concrete. They had to be, like, super fast to plan for that - Lu didn’t have time to fight back.”

He was so trusting, especially of pretty faces. He probably thought the kidnapper wanted to flirt with him. “Yeah?”

“Uhm. How long have you been on something like a regular pattern, leaving the house at the same time or that sort of thing?”

Chloe let a smile tug at her lips and saw an answering one on Dan. “Most of the time, it’ll be a Monday morning, like today. Sunday is effectively a ‘school night’ so either Dan or I have to be home during the school year to get her ready. It didn’t take much convincing to get Luce to just stay here Sunday nights, especially after Maze got her own place. During the week it can vary, depending on work - stakeouts, that sort of thing. Friday night or Saturday we usually get a sitter, have a date night and crash at LUX. Then there’s always Taco Tuesdays if we can all get together.” _Shit. Tomorrow is Tuesday._ She put it aside, reminding herself they had work to do, and a kid to pick up soon.

Ella snapped on her gloves and grabbed her fingerprint kit, just in case. It was just possible the assailant wasn’t wearing gloves - anything like that would have stood out, even to Lucifer and alerted him. She pointed a brush at Chloe, “you guys need to get your own pad, seriously. It would solve a bunch of problems. Even with Maze moved out, this place isn’t big enough for the four of you.”

Dan gently poked Chloe. “She doesn’t want to move out of our school district. The penthouse isn’t equipped to house a kid, either.”

The scientist had none of it. “So move into one of his other places, or just buy one in your district. There’s got to be an awesome private school that you can enroll Trixie in around here too.”

She got rolling eyes in response. “Trixie has a bunch of friends at her school and I wouldn’t want to break them up. Maybe next year. And it’s too soon to move in together. And I wouldn’t ask Lucifer to give up his penthouse; it’s convenient to his business.” Chloe’s voice began to crack and she shifted her weight.

He rubbed her back in small circles, “it’s something we can talk about when we get him back, okay?”

Ella finished up gathering prints, packing away her supplies one by one. “Buck up, kids, we’ll find him. Next step is I’m gonna go bug your neighbors and see if anyone noticed a new car or a stranger lurking. I hope you have some busybodies here in your ‘hood.”

Dan nodded. “Judgey ones too. Mrs. Patton gave Lucifer and I an earful just last week.”

Chloe popped the trunk of Lucifer's favorite car to pull up the top. “She's just jealous.”

 

* * *

Frank’s stomach felt like it hit the floor, cold and dead. He felt the eyes of the Lord of Hell following him to the door and out. He wondered how many holes were in the scripts they had. What if he had been lied to about this whole thing. Ironic considering who he had just turned his back on. It was well known he claimed not to lie. Lucifer claiming he could find him again rattled him badly. Half the reason he went along with this scheme was the assurance Lucifer would not know them in the hereafter.

He'd long ago resigned himself to which direction he was headed.

His cohort gave him a shove through the door, ushering back with lead feet. The adjoining room was less ‘dungeon-y’ than the one Lucifer was being kept in. The location they were using was originally built as a doomsday shelter but had been altered over the years as it changed hands. It didn't take much work to prepare the chamber he exited.

Chad threw his hood back once the door was secure and tugged his mask off, throwing it in the corner with force. It struck the wall with little sound and slumped unsatisfyingly. He rounded on Frank. “What are you _doing_?”

He pulled his own mask off, bitterly replying, “what are _you_ doing? Someone should stay in there!”

A sigh and a snap of fingers got the attention of another cultist who drew her hood up while grabbing a mask and quickly replacing Frank’s vigil.

Chad called after her, “Don’t talk to him!”

She shut the door firmly while nodding acknowledgment, silent as she moved.

Frank wasn't done grumbling. “Jesus- Sorry. It’s kinda hard not to respond. His voice isn't bound by the spells. You want to try gagging him again? You'll have to break the circle to do it.”

The leader let out a long breath. “Well, he’s on guard now, but it can’t be helped. Bad news though, no one has seen his demon anywhere. We were told she can’t go back to Hell on her own, but without her, or without her blades, we will need something Hell-forged. That or his thrall.”

Frank mentally translated that. “The Detective? That's as much of a risk as robbing the demon. Besides the mundane exposure, it might attract the Devil's former family.”

“Just listing options. All will be for naught if we can't even break his damn skin.”

“Do you want me to go back to his home and look for the knives?”

“No, it’s too big of a risk to go during the day. The odds that the demon would have left any behind are pretty much nil anyway. I’ll have to ask our friend for ideas.”

Frank grabbed a Coke from a cooler. It was swimming in fluid that was more water than ice. “I'm not comfortable risking more lives, or ones not our own anyway. The cop may be under his power, but she's still human.”

Chad was resolute. “She may as well not be. She doesn't have her soul. We don't even know if she'll get it back once he's back in Hell. She might get pulled down with him for all we know.”

“Which, really, is something our _friend_ should know, don't you think? Wasn't saving her and potentially everyone else supposed to get us brownie points?”

“We aren't doing it for a reward, remember? Our fate is not our own while he walks the earth.”

Frank drank his warm Coke and hoped the doubt in his mind didn't show on his face.

* * *

 

Late into the evening, the whole remaining tribe - Linda - got pulled in to brainstorm and to keep Chloe from going insane. Dan was back at the station, quietly abusing police resources to find a utility company van that had been seen in the neighborhood recently.

It was too early to file a missing persons report; Lucifer has been gone for less than a day. Strings could be pulled, and more than a few coworkers liked their resident Devil, enough to put ears and eyes on the street, at least unofficially.

Door knocks in Chloe's neighborhood resulted in mentions of a white van with blue lettering, and a guy in a grey or just dark-colored jumpsuit with ‘a toolbox’ who came and went. Maybe a second guy who resembled the first, but accounts were unclear. The van re-parked a few times during the week, never more than a few blocks away from her apartment. One neighbor thought they saw it as long as a few weeks ago, but there hadn’t been any brown- or blackouts at all recently; nothing that called for an electric company to be here.

For once, an HOA came in handy. The utility company used by the neighborhood was not one that had blue and white vans. The HOA confirmed too that no one was having electrical issues.

In the meantime, Linda lent her moral support as well, propped up at Chloe’s kitchen table and doing what she could to be helpful. She’d heard nothing from Maze. Amenadiel’s phone was on, but he wasn’t picking up. That in and of itself wasn’t that strange; he wasn’t always easy to get a hold of.

On a whim, she went looking online for supernatural means of tracking people or...other things. Spells varied from practice to practice, using components that ranged from mundane things like candles and chalk and all the way up to chicken blood or virginal.

Linda stared blankly at her Google results, which had begun to blur together. She rubbed her eyes, one hand tapping a pen on a notepad to an unheard beat. “Nope.”

Chloe had her hands over the back of her chair in the kitchen, sitting reverse. “Nothing helpful?” She had her own phone out, occasionally re-dialing Lucifer’s number followed by texting Dan every five seconds in search of new leads.

“Magic isn’t exactly well-researched, or if it is, it’s not well documented. Doesn’t Lucifer have a bunch of archaic books up in his penthouse? I didn’t look at more than a few, but the ones I saw didn’t scream ‘spellcasting’ or ‘I’m a wizard devil.’ He probably doesn’t need spells with his power, does he?”

_More things I need to ask the Devil later for 500, Alex._

“He has books in all kinds of languages, but we have to find someone who can read them. I took a closer look once, and I don’t even know what language half of them were in. Amenadiel might be able to, as long as he still can? Or was that just a Lucifer thing with languages?”

She didn’t know. They sat in Chloe’s kitchen, laptops open and coffee mugs full. Trixie sat quietly in her room, entertaining herself while impatiently waiting on the adults to decide she could know what the hell was going on.

Ella had her own laptop open, checking against their earlier evidence. “Okay. What about just sticking with good old-fashioned leg work? None of us can even cast spells anyway. I’d probably end up summoning a cockatrice or something stupid. Dan is trying to track Lucifer’s cell phone, right?”

“Yeah. I hope magic doesn’t cover cell phones. If they were as smart as they seem then they just ditched his phone somewhere random. Even powered off, it wouldn’t be a good idea to keep it with them.”

They sat in silence for a moment longer, unwilling to give up, but running into brick walls. They were stuck in a world that they didn't have enough information about.

Ella’s lips twitched suddenly, and she sounded like she was biting back tears. “Why? Why would someone want to do this? Rae-Rae can’t find him either, so this has to be seriously scary.”

Chloe didn’t want to admit she was getting worried too. “We’ll ask them when we find them.”

Not if. When.

Trixie stomped out of her room. “What happened, mom?”

She wasn’t surprised, honestly. “Hey baby. Lucifer is just missing right now.” She held her arms out and Trixie fell against her. “It’ll be okay.”

Her daughter was not mollified. “You said someone did something. Did someone take Lucifer?”

Because of course she eavesdropped. “Okay, yeah, they did. But we’re gonna find him.”

“Is Maze looking for him?”

“I’m sure she is, baby.“

Linda paused and closed her screen down. “Trixie, your mom and dad and a lot of other people are all working really hard to get him back.”

“Who took him?”

This was the part that made Chloe the most uncomfortable. While it was less than a day gone, there was no ransom note or request yet. No one claimed responsibility. She didn’t want to get into the dirty details with her daughter just yet; how as well as the why. “Some really dumb people, that’s for sure.”

Trixie nodded. “You and dad are gonna lock them up for taking him.”

She patted her daughter’s head and squeezed her tight. “And you’re going to make sure Lucifer knows how much you missed him, right? Lots and lots and lots of hugs.”

“Definitely.”

* * *

Their first real break came the next morning when Lucifer’s phone powered on, pinging their alerts.

No one had slept much that night and Dan was out restocking their coffee and energy drinks, so he swung by the location immediately. It turned up in a used electronics store and was not left behind by Lucifer. The store owner grumpily handed the phone over when Dan flashed his badge, complaining he bought the thing from a ‘guy in a nice suit’ the previous day.

The description was alarming until it became clear the ‘guy’ did not match Lucifer’s description - ginger-haired and clean-shaven.

Only mild persuasion was needed to get a look at yesterday’s tapes. This wasn’t the first time the owner had to deal with stolen property and he was only too happy to be cooperative with the law.

Security footage confirmed Dan’s suspicions. The man wore a jacket that still bore the same color pocket square Lucifer tucked into his suit Monday morning. The footage was black and white, but the hue of the silk fabric was light enough to be pretty distinctive - the pale grey would match the creamy gold square.

Dan felt his jaw clench. “What did he say to you? When was this?

“The guy just unloaded the phone, that’s all. He tried to pawn off a nice flask too, but I only do electronics.”

“And you didn’t think it might have been stolen?”

“Not my business, man. Keep the phone; insurance will cover the loss anyway, I’m not out anything.”

“This is my boyfriend’s phone, I wasn’t going to leave here without it,” he gripped it possessively, willing Lucifer to feel it somehow, warm and reassuring. _You aren’t dead. You aren’t allowed to be, you hear me?_

He punched in Lucifer’s passcode to unlock the phone and saw their own missed calls and texts. He didn’t realize Chloe had sent so many.

The most recent one said, ‘ _I love you.'_

His chest went tight and heavy. It wasn’t something he and Chloe had said to each other in a long time. Since before the divorce, actually. Feeling like an intruder but unable to stop himself, he scrolled back through the other messages, but that was the only one like it. The first ones Chloe sent yesterday were along the lines of, ‘ _call me back, asshole_ ,’ before becoming less playful and more worried.

He dialed Maze from Lucifer’s phone, hoping she would be more likely to pick up a call from him. It went to voicemail. Her box was full.

Amenadiel, however, picked up on the first ring. “Luci?”

“Hey, no, this is Dan, we’ve been trying to get a hold of you. Luci-Lucifer is missing.”

The store owner provided the expected reaction. To his credit, he didn’t interrupt.

There was a short pause, “when?”

“Sometime yesterday morning. Hang on; I can’t talk freely here, can you call Chloe?”

The owner wasn’t even pretending not to listen. “I have a copy of the receipt from the guy who sold me the phone, it’s got his contact info on it and everything.”

He hung up after getting agreement from Amenadiel to call her, carefully and deliberately pocketing the phone. “Yeah. That’ll help,” he swallowed a thought about reprimanding him into double checking for stolen items, but if the owner had been more diligent, Dan might not be holding the phone now.

His anger had cooled off a little by the time he tracked down the guy through the receipt. He had to believe whoever snatched Lucifer wouldn’t pawn his cell phone and wear the suit jacket, not at least while being tracked by police.

Dumber things have happened.

He pounded on the door of the unfortunate soul who happened to find Lucifer’s clothes. The man from the security footage cracked his door open, his shock of straight red hair sticking up and making him look a little taller. His eyes widened as Dan presented his badge. “My, uh, roommate isn’t here right now. Come back in an hour.”

“I’m not here for that. You have something that belongs to my boyfriend.”

Ginger-hair looked apprehensive. “What do I supposedly have? I find stuff all over the city, man.”

Dan lost patience and shoved his way into the guy’s apartment, spotting and snatching the suit jacket from the wall peg by the front door. It wasn’t even on a hanger. He spotted Lucifer’s flask on the kitchen counter and grabbed that too.

“Hey!”

He stabbed the guy in the chest with his finger. “Do not fuck with me right now. These belong to someone very important to me, and I’m taking them back. Where’s the rest?”

He spent half a second considering fighting Dan, then shrugged and picked up the pants where they were crumpled into a ball on the couch. Petulant, he added, “I threw out the boxers. None of this was exactly pressed when I found it, so don’t send me a cleaning bill.”

“Where did you find it? The phone, the suit?”

“It was all on the ground behind the bookstore I work at. I didn’t steal any of it!”

“I bet you didn’t go looking for the owner either. Where’s the cash?”

“What cash?”

“Lucifer always carries around a money clip with a few hundred bucks in it. He had it yesterday morning when he left home.”

He got stubborn. “There wasn’t any cash, man. Whoever robbed him must have taken it.”

“I’m a cop, dude, I’m not stupid.” Still, it was possible the kidnappers got sloppy and kept something ‘personal’ of Lucifer’s. The phone would have been obvious, and was. If this asshole was telling the truth, it had to mean the kidnappers were definitely human. It was actually kind of a relief. “So the only thing you got out of it was selling the phone?”

“That and a cigarette case.” Ginger tossed it to Dan from a shelf with a bitter expression. “It sure seems like your boyfriend could afford another one. This stuff is salvage. I just happened to find it. I’d be calling the cops right now if you weren’t one. Hell, that badge is probably fake.”

If the man had found cash, he wouldn’t be nearly this put out by handing over his found treasure. He crossed his arms, glaring. Dan spat, “put in a complaint with the LAPD and you’ll be compensated, probably.”

The ginger groaned. “I can’t do that.”

Wheeling back, he felt like his own eyes might reflect fire, had he had that ability. “Do what?”

Ginger reconsidered, “yeah, you know, nevermind. Just take everything.”

Dan was halfway down the hallway of the apartment building when his more useful instincts screamed at him to stop being an idiot. He turned and went back, throwing the door open before Ginger could lock it again. “You’re wanted for something, aren’t you?”

“Shit.”

Dan’s grin was positively feral.


	3. Road Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan does some more praying. Maze has a plan. It might actually work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be three chapters. I had no idea why I thought this would be wrapped up in three chapters.

The suit jacket Lucifer wore the morning he was taken lay in the passenger seat of Dan’s car. The coat was crumpled into a ball but it hadn’t been in great shape to begin with, between being found by the road and mistreated. The look on Lucifer’s face when he saw it -

Well, it’ll be worth it to have him back.

A year ago Dan believed in God. Sort of. As late as a teenager, he'd prayed and gone to church. As an adult, he took Trixie to Sunday school a few times and sometimes attended services alone. Trxie even had fun once a church trip, at a campground for a weekend. He himself had believed, vaguely. Not enough to put real consideration that there might really be an afterlife. Not enough to really worry that neither Trixie nor Chloe  _ believed _ . He hadn’t been a member of his family church since before he lived in a dorm. 

Plus, tithing was a bitch. 

He found himself disagreeing with the Church he was raised with more and more often, then the thing with the priests broke out basically worldwide, but he never thought it had anything to do with God, just corrupt men.

Now he knew where those priests were really headed. 

He shivered, his hand on the fabric now and remembering when he brushed his hands over this jacket after Lucifer dressed. Dan couldn’t seem to stop touching him as often as possible. Didn’t want to stop. Amazing sex aside, mending things with his ex-wife aside, it was hard not to  _ feel _ things he hadn't expected. Hadn't planned for. 

Sure, the three of them were  _ dating _ now, but Dan had avoided any serious talks of long-term. It was all a lot more daunting now than when he only thought Chloe was looking for a way to let Lucifer blow off some steam. And now he was guarding himself, at least subconsciously, over the fact that he  _ was  _ the outside factor. Even if Chloe said she wanted him to be there. 

He had said goodbye to her, meant it. Cut off that part of his heart and soul out of necessity and distance. They worked together well before they got together and they worked well together during the separation and the divorce. He knew it was final, there was no going back. And now suddenly the path back was there, but it was with someone else too. He would never have denied her heart anything it wanted, and now it was something he wanted too.

He'd be lying if he said he hadn't been a little judgemental over her dating 'the Devil' to begin with - but it had nothing to do with her moving on. He had tried it himself after all. He'd thrown five bucks into the 'lasting six months' pool because he  _ wanted _ to see her happy. Not because he thought it would actually last that long. A guy who called himself the Devil being a fun lay wasn't all that surprising, honestly, not with the track record Lucifer had. 

After that first time - before Charlotte and what he thought would be a one-off sex romp, he questioned his decision-making abilities. But it was a One Time Thing, and Lucifer didn’t pursue him. Didn’t hold it over his head either, which was unexpected but good. After said Devil and Chloe went steady, Lucifer himself said he’d never had a  _ girlfriend _ before, slipping all over the term like a man with too many feet traversing a freshly waxed floor. 

Despite the fact no one could call Lucifer a ‘safe bet’ in the relationship department, both she and he started falling for a man who didn’t just call himself  _ Satan _ but believed he was. Well, not ‘Satan’ - he always kind of hated that one. But still. Who does that?

The actual Divine moaning your name in pleasure did things to perspective.

Then again. He found out Lucifer’s secret first, so he really didn't know what that meant about any of them.

He knew one thing. He was losing his heart to someone he never would have bet on in a million years.

The soft fabric of the jacket reminded him of soft skin, and soft, dark eyes. Of lips that smiled with every kiss, and a brush of scruff he had kinda gotten used to waking up to.

He sighed, letting go before his passenger in the back got impatient. Well, more impatient. Ed wasn't the one whose immortal lover was missing. He could stew in his own juices for as long as Dan wanted him to. But, there was work to be done and a Devil needed to be found, so he took a deep breath and dragged the surly red-head out of the car and into work.

He never actually got the morning coffee. Tired and grumpy, he sent Chloe a quick text.

Ed  _ something _ , he forgot already and stopped paying close attention once he confirmed there was, in fact, an outstanding warrant for this asshole, followed him inside, handcuffed. His rap sheet was unimpressive. It didn’t include kidnapping or anything else moderately serious - mostly for drug possession and unpaid parking tickets.

The last person he expected to see (well almost the last) was there inside the bullpen, in tight leather pants. Her boots had tracked in a fair amount of mud.

Maze had a man in custody. She shoved her charge ahead of her, headed to whoever it was here that could confirm her catch. There were actual leaves in her hair, and it was snarled and tangled. Even her clothing looked worse for wear, covered in dirt. The man she threw in front of her was even worse off, limping to the point even Dan felt a minuscule twinge of sympathy. But it burned away quickly. 

Dan shoved his arrestee into a nearby chair, slamming it against the nearest desk. “Do not move!” He threw his hand up to get her attention. “Maze!” She turned and he saw the dry blood on one side of her face.  _ What did it take to do that to a demon?  _ “Where have you been?”

She gave him an unimpressed look. “What does it look like? I just dragged my ass - and his - across three counties and half of a national park.  _ That _ asshole broke my phone in the fight two days ago. He didn’t just shatter the screen, either, the thing is  _ dead. _ He and his buddy put up a hell of a fight.”

"Where's his buddy?"

"Probably as dead as my phone. The other guy wasn't wanted so I left him in the woods and I really didn’t feel like dragging him out after that anyway. He wasn't in great shape, what with the knife wounds. He probably got eaten by something by now. He tried to kill me, but you can't stop a demon with just bullets. By the way, ‘holy water’ is a myth, it won't work." She grinned and it was terrifying. “This one time I told Decker I needed some. I wonder if she went crazy looking for it.”

Dan pulled his jaw off the floor. "Shit, are you okay? We couldn't get a hold of you. And- ”

She put her fists on her hips. “Daaaaaaan? What happened?”

He kept his voice down, “Lucifer has been taken, somehow. No one can find him, not even Rae-Rae. She said that he’s…”

“He’s what?”

He glanced around, pulling her closer and whispering, “he’s not in Hell, or on earth, or in Heaven. Whoever took him dumped his phone, whatever he keeps in his pockets, and clothes.”

She went very, very still, her eyes ice. “And his ring?”

“I have no idea, if they took it from him, they dumped it somewhere separate from the rest of his stuff.”

She breathed, looking at something inside her own head. “Okay. Okay. That’s good. He might still have it. Where are his clothes?”

“I actually have them in my car. This asshole here,” He pointed at Ed, “pawned Lucifer’s phone and was planning on selling the other stuff he found in a pile-”

Maze shot off across the room toward him. “YOU!”

Dan ran after her. “He didn’t see Lucifer!”   


She snapped a look over her shoulder, “do you  _ know _ that for sure?”

Actually, he didn’t. The odds that the man participated in a kidnapping _ and  _ was dumb enough to turn around and sell Lucifer’s items right away seemed unlikely, at least to him.

Then again, this criminal might be even dumber than Dan had considered. 

The demon slammed a dirty, booted heel down in the office chair, just between Ed’s legs. He looked up from under his shock of ginger hair, the blood draining from his face rapidly. She stared down at him, leaned over and gave him a long, loud sniff along his neck.

Dan took a step forward and she held a finger up to stall him, without moving any other part of her body. She breathed out heavily and stood up straight. "He doesn't smell enough like Lucifer for me to be sure. Did he wear the clothes or something?" Her glare was pure venom.

_ Time to play good cop.  _ But it’s hard to do this part, right now, worrying about Lucifer. Dan took a steady breath and said, "he wore the suit coat in the surveillance footage.” He channeled his improv classes and looked at Ed. “If you saw something useful, you won't necessarily be charged with accessory to kidnapping. If you can tell us  _ anything _ that leads to an arrest, I might be able to make your outstanding warrant go away."

Ed licked his lips, glancing from the blood-covered bounty hunter back to Dan. "I didn't touch your boyfriend! I didn’t kidnap him!”

"But you saw him?"

He squeaked, "okay, yeah, I saw him. Maybe. I don’t know."

Dan really needed someone impartial here. He didn't have that. 

Turning back to Ed, he spoke more evenly than he felt, "and you didn't call the police?"

"And tell them I saw some guys from a ren fair get out of one van, throw a bunch of clothes on the ground, and moved a huge heavy bag to another van? For all I knew it was some kinky thing going on.” He wriggled uncomfortably, done with this weirdness and kept spilling a nearly useless witness report, “how could I know it was a person?”

His throat constricted. "Was he hurt? Was the bag moving? Bloody?"

Maze snarled, "he couldn't have even  _ gotten _ hurt before you two came along. This shouldn't even be happening, and it wouldn’t be without you, or at least Decker.”

“Then hold God accountable, not me!”

“Oh, I do. If I ever get the chance to have words with Him, I’ll-” She groaned at looked back down. It was bad enough that people were staring now. They really needed to get him into the interrogation room. He also didn’t quite care enough to do that. 

Their captive quivered, eyes wide.

Dan took a step back, turned around, crossed his arms and stood a few feet back to give him space to calm down enough to speak. “Answer the question.”

Ed was nearing his wits’ end, "...maybe? I didn't get a good look. It all happened really fast. I didn't even think about anything. I was just at my job, minding my own business!”

A frustrated Dan crowded next to Maze. "What did they look like? What do mean,  _ ren fair _ ?"

"Guys in long robes? It was creepy. The guy in the bag could have just been another one of them for all I knew."

_ Guys in robes. _ Meaning they were so committed they wore their robes in public, or for some reason, they just had to. It seemed to work sufficiently to disguise them. Dan had no idea if it would help or hinder them narrow down the places they needed to look. 

Maze grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him up to face. “Was there a ring? In his stuff?”

Dan stepped back fractionally. “Does it-?”

“RING. Was. There. A. Ring?!”

Ed looked like he was about to wet himself. “No, I swear, there wasn’t a ring, not in the pile they dropped.”

Dan looked away to see Chloe standing nearby. She jerked her head towards Ella’s lab.

The demon looked Ed in the eyes until he cowered in on himself, actually shaking. She pulled away from him, letting her grip loosen slowly. “If I find out you’re lying, I’m going to feed you my boots.”

She stomped away, headed for the lab. Chloe followed behind her and barely kept the door from slamming hard enough to shatter as the demon threw it open with force. 

Ella took one look at them and grabbed some cleaning wipes from a cabinet. Maze growled at her.

“Hey, what’s with the ring?” Dan asked while closing the blinds just in case. 

Snatching some wipes from the box, she said, “The ring can’t come off as long as he’s the Lord of Hell. I’m just assuming it would come off if he dies, but if the ring is physically close to him, I can find him. But I need a hellhound. Preferably one of his. Two would be better.”

Ella sucked in a breath and quietly locked the door to her lab.

Chloe looked at the demon levelly. “Fine. How do we get one? Or two, or hell, all of them?”

Maze scrubbed at the blood on her face. It had dried in layers. “I need a ride down to Hell and back. Amenadiel can’t do it. I either have to find another angel willing to both take me down and ferry back a passenger, or I need to find a warlock powerful enough to banish me to Hell and summon me back, not to mention one that I’d trust to do it, which is zero right now.”

The Forensic Scientist bit her lip. “I take it we have a lead on Luce. How can I help?”

“There’s nothing you can do here-”

Dan held up a hand, “hang on, yes and no, I brought in the guy who found Lucifer’s things. He says some ‘guys in robes’ took him, and changed transportation. They might have even done it more than once, so even if we found the original van on traffic cameras, it won’t help us now.” He knew he was right too. It was one of the easier tricks and something that required advance planning. “There’s probably something forensic-y you can help with. I’ll go grab Lucifer’s things and maybe you can do something with them, find weird residues or something.”

Chloe groaned. “I followed up on the first van this morning. It was left in the lot of the utility company yesterday and it’s back in use again. They were really confused at how it vanished with no one noticing. But at least now we know they’ve been plotting this at least three weeks.”

Ella looked tense, fidgeting. “Wasn’t it reported stolen?”

“Sure, but either they changed the plates while using the van to stalk my apartment or no one followed up. Uni’s don’t necessarily look for stolen cars when they’re on patrol by running the plate numbers of every single vehicle they come across.”

They had to narrow down options before picking a direction. Dan sighed. “I don’t suppose Rae-Rae had any luck?”

Maze blinked. “Wait, you’re on speaking terms with the Angel of Death?”

The normally energetic woman smiled slightly, “yeah, she’s been my friend for a long time. I didn’t know she was an angel until recently.”

“Why didn’t you say you had an angel on speed dial? She can take me!”

“Oh! Uh. Oh! Dan?”

“Wha - you want  _ me _ to do it again?”

“You can tell Luce that we’re coming for him too!”

“Do you think he can actually hear me?”

“I guess whoever is keeping him might be able to block you, but it’s worth trying, right? I’m sure he needs to hear a friendly voice if he can. Plus, Rae-Rae  _ definitely _ heard you yesterday, loud and clear.”

Chloe folded her arms over her chest and huffed. “Well, get a move on.”

Dan found the same rubber mat that he used before. At least he didn’t have to worry about dress trousers. 

“No pressure, huh?”

Her lips flattened, but she softened and went over to gave him a quick hug. “I’m sorry. I’m on edge. I know you’re already running your ass off.” 

He stole a kiss at the corner of her mouth. “It’ll be okay. We’re going to get him back.”

* * *

 

He didn’t have to pretend to be tired. There was no comfortable way to sleep, and the suffocating silence was worse than any kind of music turned up too loud. If he were in a  _ slightly _ better mood, he might at least sing out loud to himself, but bringing any kind of relief to this place, even for himself, seemed anathema. 

He had managed to rub his ankles together until the bindings loosened enough to permit circulation. A little more and he might be able to cross them instead of holding his bare feet flat all the time. No one crossed the line of paint and candles to stop him from fidgeting with his bonds. He presumed they knew better than to risk breaking any of the seals.

If he had been awake for it,  _ he _ certainly would have known better.

They seemed to be smart enough to throw every single sigil created towards restraining immortals into the trap.

Bars would have at least given him something to lean on.

The slight insistent tingling returned. He recognized it this time, keeping a smile from forming on his face. 

Lucifer carefully didn’t react outwardly this time, continuing to play with the give on his bindings and waiting for whatever was coming to filter through the wards - mentally reaching for it.

_ Lucifer? Hey, it's me, Dan. God, I'm dumb. Ignore that, God. Unless you wanna help. Then don't I guess. Anyway, hey, Feathers, we're working on finding you. Maze finally showed up. We think maybe her bounty was actually a trap, but their guys underestimated her. She’s going to be okay, and gave better than she got. She left one of the victims out in the woods - the police are going to try to find him and if he’s still alive, maybe they’ll turn on each other for leniency and give us some names. We aren’t waiting for that to pan out. Maze says she can find you with hellhounds. I've never seen one before so I hope they don't have three heads or something. Might be hard to get across L.A. with them if we do. She said your ring is important, so if you still have it, hang on to it? You probably already know that, but uh, right, I found your suit, and I'm pretty sure it's ruined. The dick squad that took you are going to be in for a really bad day when we find them.  _

_ I miss you, Luce. Chloe sends her love, she misses you too. I...want you back home where you belong. I hope this works. Okay, so, I gotta switch gears here and pray to Azrael-holy sh- _

Lucifer couldn't stop himself from laughing out loud at that last bit. He  _ felt _ his sister literally swoop in at the mention of her name. She must have been listening closely and apparated more or less on top of Daniel, interrupting his prayer. He hoped Maze was right. It hadn't exactly been done before. 

He didn’t like the idea of hellhounds roaming around on earth - but it should work. In Hell, they would come to his call anywhere he was. Once he was free and they were under his command again, the danger to humans would be next to nothing. In the meantime, a demon and an angel should be able to handle them. 

The cultist keeping an eye on him straightened up. This one, Lucifer suspected was the true leader of the group. He reeked of self-assurance and there was just something about his bearing even hidden under the dark robes that others deferred to. Odds were good that he was in control of the drop spike as well. 

Lucifer couldn't wipe his eyes where they welled with tears of laughter, and he didn't try to hide his first real smile in over a day.

The form shifted. "Something funny?"

That reminded him. His ring hand was on top of his left arm, he couldn't feel the stone, and his hands had gone numb some time back. He flexed his shoulders to get the blood flowing. He just needed enough feeling in his hands to see if he could feel the ring band. "I was just picturing your head, or well, your hood detached from your body. Many feet apart. Hilarious."

He didn’t respond, but the attention became almost palpable

"I don't suppose there's any alcohol? It's boring enough here with nothing to do. Could I  _ at least  _ have a crossword? You don’t even have to untie me, just read me the clues and I’ll tell you how to fill it in."

"You think someone is looking for you? You think they can  _ find _ you?"

His smile stretched into something sinister. "You never found my demon, did you?"

"Who said that we're looking for her?"

These people really were not terribly clever. Even if they had figured out how to restrain him. Which remained a pretty big difficulty, but he was still alive and on earth, which were very large points in his favor. He could be generous. "Who said my demon was a 'her'? She can be rather unpredictable, I suppose, hard to pin down when she doesn’t want to play. What possible reason could you have for needing her? She wouldn't harm me. If you want to send her down with me, there’s that, but it hardly seems like it should be your main goal.”

Tim the Second didn’t answer.

Definitely a complicated one.

Probably human. He smelled human, anyway. Could be something Fae, but also unlikely - they never had quarrels with him before and tended to stay out of each other’s way.

Lucifer tried a different tact. “Your associate said something about severing my wings. It’ll be difficult without her knives. Which you don’t have.”

He got a grunt in response.

“You know, I’ve had my wings removed before. More than once. You’re so keen on banishing me, it would have been much easier just a few months back.” 

T2 reacted. “You...removed them?”

“You may or may not be aware that I had them not-so-surgically separated from my body previously. They came back. Tried to cut them off again and the damn things - no pun intended - kept growing back.” Lucifer omitted the timing involved - the five or six years between cutting them off and coming back the first time. “You might want to re-think your little plan. Who’s to say they won’t come back yet  _ again _ ?”

“How fast did they grow back?"

“You could always just let me go now. Avoid the very real risk of a very annoyed Devil hot on your heels later when you banish me and I return for all of your heads. I don’t normally invoke Dad in all this, for any reason, but you might be bringing down His wrath as well - have you considered that? Summoning or banishing demons is one thing, but me? I’m powerful enough to control every demon in existence all at once, and my powers aren’t limited to that. You think you’ll be immune once I’m free?’

That he definitely reacted to. “Your powers are lessened while you’re on earth. We have a backup plan for the knives.”

“Oh?”

“You’ll see.”

There was no argument to be made against his powers at least being different while topside. He  _ can _ force Maze to bend to his will but he chooses not to; he hadn’t needed to do it since well before leaving Hell. It was really just the early days when he found out Demons were not exactly the celestial opposite of Angels - they were something else. They didn't care to be minions to an angel either. 

To his grudging personal knowledge, Dad had never willed any of his children to do anything directly. Commanded, yes, and there were consequences for defying those commands, as he was well aware. But demons, on average, were not always ‘all there’ as they say. They tended to be a nasty combination of hard-headed and weak-willed with degrees of complexity more like humans than angels, but all could be  _ commanded _ by him and they were powerless to resist to an appreciable degree.

None were as strong as an angel, even fallen angels - which was a whole other ball of wax. 

Not that Amenadiel should spend any time in Hell in his current state. His brother thought he’d ‘fallen’ but there was no comparison between what Lucifer experienced and Amenadiel becoming mostly mortal. In Hell, the Fallen were basically greater demons, no longer able to lay any claim to celestial status. No longer  _ angels _ . He alone in all of creation retained a dual nature. 

While he didn’t experience the  _ pain _ of pins and needles as blood flow crept into his hands, it was still a degree of  _ unpleasant _ . He squeezed his fingers tightly together, searching along the awakening nerve endings. It was  _ there _ . He could feel the band of his ring still on his middle finger, hard and cold between the others. 

Which begged the question - could they not remove it? And if they could have, did they understand its significance? There was no human, living or dead, who could know. Which meant one of two things. Either none of his captors knew and they gave up trying to take it off him, or the  _ thing _ in front of him did know and was using the information - and perhaps he wasn’t sharing it with his human friends. 

Perhaps the head-to-toe robes were ‘round-the-clock wear and not just for the ritual. 

Lucifer locked eyes with - or at least set his focus to the middle of the mask where eyes would be and spoke with all the seductive force he could muster under the circumstances. “Which one are you?’

T2 folded his arms under his robe. “Which one what?’

“Come now, my new friend.  _ Some _ of these sigils are simply unnecessary unless you’re not human. I wonder whether the poor mortals here know what they’ve drawn here. At first, I thought it was some overzealous need to transcribe everything ever written that was considered ‘anti-Devil.’ Considering what they seem to want to accomplish, I suppose I can’t blame them for their thoroughness.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“After all, how could a bunch of mere humans know which symbols of power are actually needed here? Then again, how could a bunch of mere humans find  _ all  _ of them, even some I hadn’t believed had ever been written down in a book? It is possible my memory is faulty; I’m not my Father.” He turned up the charm factor. He hadn’t truly leaned on it yet, unsure of how much could be or was suppressed. No one had ever truly tried this before - that was another thing - demons can be bound by human means. Angels, generally at least, cannot. Until just this second, Lucifer had never experienced a burning need to ask any of his siblings if they had ever been bound by a human.  

Some of the sealed markings under his ass originated not by human minds or hands. It seemed like as good a time as any to test the limits of their spellwork. “Perhaps you’re one of Maze’s old lieutenants. Is that why you’re so keen on finding her? She can’t return to Hell on her own, and I’m not convinced she even wants to any longer. I do remember her primary minion being much taller than you, however. You don’t even really smell like a  _ demon. _ ”

The cultist-maybe-demon-or-something-else began to walk towards the door. 

“Domand? Yzrr? Anoth? Mammon?”

He kept walking. 

Lucifer felt he must be onto something. “Doesn’t matter. Maybe not one of Maze’s then. Once I figure out which one you are or even just guess your name, your future will be nothing but pure, unfettered pain, and it won’t matter where I am. Even from Hell, I’ll find a way to feed your name to Maze and she’ll hunt you down, cage you, and she won’t stop her tender services until the end of time.”

T2 swung back to face Lucifer, or his back anyway. “The end of time is closer than you think.”

The door slammed shut.

Some of the candles blew out with the forced air movement.

He watched the smoke curl toward the ceiling and tested his magical bonds once more. The lit candles had to be part of the trap - he could sense a crack now that a dozen had gone out. Hairline, but there.

Now that he had absolutely no one to entertain but himself, he began humming  _ Ninety-Nine Bottles of Beer. _

* * *

 

Azrael crossed her arms and glared. “I’m an angel, not a cruise line."

Mazikeen sat down in a chair so she would be closer to eye-level with the angel who was even shorter than Dr. Linda. “C’mon Raz. I’ll owe you a favor. And you want to find your brother, don’t you?"

“I don’t like hellhounds. They stalk the dead.”

“Well, yeah, that’s how we find souls who wander away from the gates before they’re assigned a cell.”

Mazikeen held Lucifer’s retrieved suit jacket from Dan’s car. Taking it with her would help her find the two hounds she wanted. Hopefully, they would come baying like big puppies when they smelled it. Hopefully, they wouldn’t rip her to shreds when they noticed she  _ wasn’t _ Lucifer, or not with him at least. She neglected to pass this information onto the angel. “I will have complete control over them, I promise,”  _ once I convince them not to eat me. _ “You can’t just grab random hellhounds and hope it works.” 

“Just how dangerous are they?”

“Well-” She cut herself off, and side-eyed Dan and Chloe.

Dan took an involuntary step back. “What?”

She stood up, held the jacket open and rubbed it on Dan’s head and neck before he thought to protest. Dan stood there stunned with his hair sticking up in all directions.

Chloe swatted her away when she turned to her, “What the Hell?”

“Yeah, that. Exactly. If the hounds see or smell you guys, they’ll know that you’re friendly with Lucifer - your smell will be on his jacket too when I take it down there. Hellhounds aren’t exactly... domesticated, and they usually only answer to Lucifer, but they know me. If Bonnie and Clyde decide they don’t like you, you might have a few seconds headstart. But it should be fine, really.” Maze moved toward her again, holding the suit jacket open.

“My head? Ugh. Fine.”

Maze may have rubbed it a little harder than necessary, scrubbing some of the fabric behind her ears. 

Chloe pulled out her bun and re-did it. “You’re telling me Lucifer named his hellhounds  _ Bonnie and Clyde _ ? That’s not even...old.”

“Nah, Those are my most recent names for them. Their real names are in Lilim, and you humans probably shouldn’t know what they are. I used to call them  _ Romulus  _ and _ Remus _ but I got bored with it.” She glanced at them in turn, then added, “They don’t look like wolves.”

Ella looked like she just wanted to get back to work. “Should we call them Bonnie and Clyde? And do I get a jacket rub?”

“Sorry, no, I'm going to have Raz drop me off again outside L.A. No offense, but with luck, you’ll never even see them. Plus,  _ you _ absolutely  _ reek  _ of ‘foreign angel’ as it is - I don’t need to bring any more of that down to Hell than strictly necessary. Raz can defend herself, even without her sword. You can’t.”

Chloe looked over at Dan and snickered.

“What?” He felt his hair. “Ugh. We probably look like we just had sex in here.” 

Maze looked at him slyly. “Well-”

“No.”

“Fine. While I’m gone, you guys can torture the bounty I brought in.”

“Interrogate. And yeah, maybe he knows something about Lucifer’s kidnappers?”

“...maybe.” She checked the knives on her belt. “Okay, Raz. Let’s go. I’ll text you guys when we’re topside again.”

Chloe unlocked the lab but paused at the door. “You guys be safe. How long do you think it’ll take?”

“As long as it takes. The hounds should come running when they smell me. If they aren’t sulking somewhere.”

“Okay. We’ll get to work.”

 


	4. To Hell and Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A demon and an angel make a quick trip to Hell.

Azrael let go of Maze. Her nose twisted and she just avoided an undignified sneeze. 

Outside the black iron-like gates, the ash piled up around lost souls waiting to enter.

The line seemed a lot longer than usual. 

Fear filled the air, tainted with anxiety and nervousness. The souls shuffled in place as overworked demons at the gates argued with each other.

Slowly, in varying states of awareness, every face turned to look at the angel and demon.

Maze wore her battle armor, blades held at the ready, Lucifer's suit coat stuffed into her belt and hanging over her waist. There was no salvaging it at this point anyway. Azrael had changed out her knitted cat jumper for her celestial robes - black and brown, fashioned like Amenadiel’s - felted wool and hanging to the ground. She spread her wings to the fullest, imposing even with her small stature. Ash billowed and heaved about them like a flock of birds.

The demons at the gate took half a step out to run to them then thought better of it.

Maze said, “I’ll be right back. Better make a quick stop first."

Azrael nodded, doing her best to just look unapproachable. They had found her a sword that was ivory-white, but still mundane, man-made. She didn’t have a true replacement for the one Lucifer threw away (and she still had a bone to pick with him over  _ that _ ), but it at least  _ looked _ right. The sword wasn't necessarily useful to her against demons, but it probably helped identify her and would keep random souls and demons away, assuming the wings weren't enough to do the job.

The returning demon met the others at the gates. She tipped her chin up, assuming they knew her even if she couldn't name them. “I’m on a mission from Lucifer.”

The male demon grunted. “He coming back?”

“Not your concern.”

“Kinda is, mistress.”

“I’m coming back through this way. I’ll tell you more then. Maybe.”

The other demon - she didn’t recognize either of them - inhaled deeply. “That’s his, isn’t it?” He pointed at the coat. “Why does it smell like...that?”

“I’m borrowing it. He sent me to bring him his hellhounds. He's not interested in coming here himself and being asked a million questions.”

“It’s bad enough he leaves Hell, but now he’s taking one of our tools?”

“I’m not taking all the hounds, just his. They probably aren’t really useful down here anyway without him.”

The demon looked ready to argue just on principle, then shrugged, “they are kinda fat and lazy now. Last I saw they were wandering around his courtyard.” The demon grinned evilly. “They could use some new prey to hunt. Bet they’ll have a field day topside.”

She grunted.

“What’s with your pet angel? She coming to take over?” He tilted his scarred head at the winged woman, not at all subtly wiping some drool off his chin. “The King must be developing some real pull up there to make the Angel of Death do a pick-up run for him.”

“Not today.” Maze shoved past them, casting a last backward look at the disorganized line of human souls, watching warily where they weren’t utterly distraught. Demons should be walking the line to keep them from wandering off into the fields, and away from Azrael too. A few looked like they recognized her, slow hopeful looks blossoming on their faces with the idea she might have dropped them off at the wrong gates.

Azrael rigidly ignored everyone. 

Maze would have to have words with her mother sometime soon. Lilith may not hold a rank, but she has power here. 

All around her, Hell  _ reached _ for her like a lover as she walked inside. Blue ash swirled around her feet as if it were dancing in joy at her presence and it was just as intoxicating as she remembered. A few dozen tiny demonic fey - some of the old fairies when they died off, floated behind her, approaching and darting away again like dragonflies in a gesture of welcome.

They were as mischievous as ever, gathering larger clumps of ash and raining it down on her as she walked. If they tried to bring her a cape like some returning princess, she would crush them in her hands. The wing vanes made good toothpicks.

Ahead, larger demons ducked and bowed, remembering her status as the right hand of Lucifer himself. She kicked any who didn’t get out of her way fast enough.

Ash fell like snow, piling so high into the corners of the buildings and cells that it looked like the halls were all U-shaped. Another point to be fixed. Things never looked this way when Lucifer was ruling.

She sighed, trailing her fingers along the side of a wall like a matron checking the shelves for dust. There was a lot of dust.

She needn’t have worried about the hounds at all.

They bounded up to her at the gates of Lucifer’s palace,  _ wagging their tails _ . 

They had, in fact, gotten fat. The gatekeeper wasn’t wrong. Fat on what, she wasn’t entirely sure, but they looked more like  _ dogs  _ than the majestic hellhounds they should be. Maze found it disquieting. Bonnie and Clyde still had their hellish features, thank Chaos for that - their leathery wings tucked up against their backs and long scaled tails whipping back and forth in greeting. Their short pointed ears were cocked forward and their normally short horns that curled like a rams’ were in need of a trim.

She went inside the palace, to find Lucifer’s main rooms. More ash had blown through the front door, filtering through the hallways and even deeper. 

She stopped, enraged. 

Footprints were  _ everywhere _ .

And they certainly weren’t  _ his. _

She had to do something about this.

Whoever had been lurking here likely went running when she stepped through - she detected no presence of them now. But it seemed the palace had been violated by trespassers a number of times. The wall hangings were pulled down, the decor was trashed and at least one brave/stupid demon had pissed in a corner. No hellhound would have done that.

She didn’t have time to fuck around right now, however. 

Rummaging around in Lucifer’s drawers in his bedrooms, she finally found the hound’s collars. They probably didn’t even need them at this point, but it would ensure their obedience all the same. 

Looking around, she stopped at his grand desk, built of polished bones from who knew what, picking up some paper and a porcupine quill. The ink was dry, so she pricked her finger to quickly write a few letters. 

She wondered idly what his human lovers would think of this place. Just in case it worked, she stopped and snapped a few quick photos with her phone. The light worked much differently down here, so odds were they wouldn’t come out. Still, it was satisfying to try.

Returning to her task, she stabbed the quill angrily, stopping several times to make sure she was writing legibly. It had never been her favorite language to write in, and she had to start over a few times to make sure she was understood.

Hell to pay had never been more accurate.

Finally, she stood again, wrapping up her messages, grabbing the collars and anything else she could think of that might be useful. She found a leather (it wasn’t cowhide) pack that suited her needs.

Things had gone more or less smoothly thus far, so she made a stop at her old rooms too. The matte black sword was still where she left it, so she pulled it out of her weapon closet and strapped it around her waist, in its blood-red scabbard. Footprints in the dust and ash were here too. That didn’t bother her nearly as much as the invasion of her Lord’s privacy. It still made her itchy though.

Maze found the hounds just outside the massive front door, watching and waiting eagerly. At least Lucifer had trained them well, and it seemed to have still stuck with them. She slipped the collars on and walked ahead, expecting them to follow. 

They did.

They may have mellowed, but at least they still knew how to recognize a master.

Azrael looked up in surprise at her quick return. 

Maze paused at the gates, grabbed a spike sticking out of the pattern and wrenched it free. The demons inside looked suitably impressed. She dropped it in the pack too and walked the last fifty feet to meet her ride back.

Azrael started to speak, but Maze held up her hand. She passed the pack and control of the hounds over to the angel. 

They looked from Mazikeen to Azrael expectantly, having no issue with their control now being managed by an angel. The things really had gone soft. As long as they could still hunt though, they’ll work fine. Azrael slung the pack over her shoulder, looking curious. It vanished into her wing-space, as effectively carried as if it were physically hung from her back. 

She held out her hand to take Maze back. 

The demon shook her head. “I have to stay here. Hell is a mess and Lucifer isn’t coming back. Someone needs to whip the demons back into shape or that line is going to get even longer.” She nodded to the human souls shuffling slowly and miserably.

“But Lucifer?”

“He’s going to be fine.” Maze unhooked her blades and handed them over too. “I have other weapons back at the palace. You guys are going to find him, whatever happened to him, he’s not here. If he dies, I’m not even sure he’ll come back here at this point. I’m not sure I’d  _ want _ him to, without his Devil form to call on.”

The angel looked torn, shifting in place, ash clinging to her robes. “Who’s going to run Hell? You?”

She looked away, “I’ll hold it, but I won’t run it. I can keep the seat warm for someone else, but only another true Fallen can take the throne. They say an angel has to run it, but I’ve never seen anyone but Lucifer do it. And he preferred to use his Devil wings to enforce order. The angel wings were really only there as a reminder that he was one. My wings should help me establish order.”

A being loved by Hell had no business leaving it again.

Azrael didn’t argue with her. The demon wanted to stay in Hell and she wasn’t going to dissuade her. “Good luck.”

* * *

The Angel of Death appeared on the outskirts of LA. She looked off into the desert for a long moment, then dug her phone out of her robes. It was something El asked her to have on her in case of emergencies, but it wouldn’t turn on. She’d forgotten to charge it again.

Ugh.

She pointed at a nearby rock formation. “Stay!”

They dodged and ducked their heads, whining, then obeyed, scaley tails tucked between their legs. She realized they must be overwhelmed by the sunlight, so she led them into the shade. The heat they could deal with, but Hell was perpetually dim, and all stars were holy, to at least some degree. 

She looked down at them with mild concern, but they wouldn’t move anywhere while under orders.

She fished the jacket out of the pack Maze gave her and tossed it to them. It calmed their nerves instantly. Bonnie, in particular, yipped in excitement, rolling her head eagerly along one of the sleeves and settling down. They both sniffed all over it, picking out the human smells separate from their master but neither looked ready to rip it apart in protest. 

They were like pups again, poking their heads up on long necks and looking around for their master. She paused long enough to grin at them, adding an extra ‘stay!’ for good measure before flitting back to El’s lab.

* * *

Chloe sat in the corner of the lab, bouncing her crossed leg impatiently. Hours had passed with no sign of anything new. Dan had gone to deal with parental duties and set up a babysitter for potentially a day or even several. It was now dinner time and she was debating on trying to find a food truck on the block, preferably one that served tacos.

Even Ella was on the verge of giving up and going home. While she wasn’t expecting anyone to return, she wanted to keep Chloe company. The women had caught up on every bit of paperwork they could think of and Ella was busy re-organizing her beakers from tallest to shortest. 

She kept looking at Chloe, who finally asked, “What?”

“Nothing.”

“C’mon. What’s on your brain?”

She hesitated, hanging her goggles from a different hook. “Just, my brain comes up with all kinds of inappropriate thoughts at the worst possible times.”

“Like?”

“How cute and hot you guys are together.”

Chloe put her phone down from whatever game she had been playing. “I mean, I do feel like I’m being a little greedy sometimes.”

“Oh, don’t! I mean, heck, part of me kinda hopes someone at a nude colony gets - well, not  _ murdered, _ but like, I heard stories about Lucifer getting naked for no apparent reason while out on a case, and I wasn’t around for that.”

“Ha. I mean, it’s funny  _ now _ , but when he stripped in the pawn shop, it was pretty inconvient. I don’t even remember how I got him back out of there, but I think I had to buy him an apron from the shop.”

A flurry of feathers announced the arrival of the angel and ended the conversation.

Ella’s relief vanished as she realized Azrael was alone. She also said she wasn’t coming back to the lab. “Where…?”

Az held up a palm and passed over a stack of folded  _ parchment? _ with Maze’ knives on top. “I had to come back here. My phone is dead and...Maze decided to stay in Hell. At least for now. I could have used her phone to text but she didn’t give me hers.”

She and Ella sorted through the papers until they found the ones addressed to themselves. There was one for Lucifer as well. Chloe’s had command words for the hounds, should they get separated from Azrael, but little else - a quick instruction list for her items back at Chloe’s apartment and a detailed paragraph on feeding the stray cat that came to their back door. Chloe didn’t even know there was one. Apparently, the cat’s name was  _ Nagereg. _

Mazes’ letter to Lucifer was long but she couldn’t read the words, so she gave up quickly. She felt only a little guilty for peeking at it. She didn’t try to peek at the one for Dan, mildly surprised there even was one. Linda’s was thicker than Lucifer’s.

She finally looked up. “So, what does this mean? She’s really not coming back? Where are the hounds?”

“She thinks she...well, I don’t know if I should discuss it with you. Amenadiel might be better, he’s been to Hell a lot more times than I have. But I wasn’t going to argue with her. She belongs there.”

Ella fought to keep the disappointment from her face. “Rae-Rae…”

“She’s a demon. I’m sorry.” She lowered her voice, “So does Lu. I didn’t see much, but Maze made it sound like Hell is a mess.”

“Can’t...God just put someone else in charge?”

“I don’t know. He hasn’t yet. I think He believes Lu is going back. Maybe knows it.” She looked over at Chloe apologetically. “I know things are complicated, but that doesn’t change what is or what should be.”

Chloe clenched her jaw. “I might be just another human, but if I”m not mistaken, this whole  _ system _ was set up because of us. I feel like maybe we should have some say in how it’s run, you know?”

Azrael bit her lip, then nodded. “I suppose maybe you should.”

“In fact - what?”

“You should talk to Father about it when you die.”

“I’d like to do that before I die, actually.”

“I can’t help you there. He’s difficult to get an audience with, you know. Anyway, we should get going. Can I take you to where the hounds are and have Daniel join us there?”

Her stomach rumbled. Azrael arched an eyebrow. “He can hit a drive-thru on the way. Lucifer probably hasn’t eaten either. And a few minutes shouldn’t make a difference.”

“Oh, now you suddenly care about him?”

“Don’t be rude.  _ Of course _ , I care. But something is wrong with Hell, and that is a problem only he can rectify. Whatever is happening to him  _ now _ is most likely the result of mortal interference, and we need to get him back.”

“Even if that means he stays here, with us?”

“Yes. If they’ve done anything to him, I won’t be happy. They damage my brother, I damage them.” She held up one of the knives Maze gave her. 

Ella looked unhappy. “Is there anything I can do? Can I have a hug before you go?”

Azrael turned and smiled, her face lighting up as she looked over shyly. The  _ avenging angel _ vanished and suddenly she seemed like a short human with wings. “Yes, of course.”

They hugged tightly, Ella resting her head on her shoulder. “It’s good to see you again. Just please think about the Lucifer, thing, okay? I’d be sad too if he went back to Hell.”

The angel sighed. “I know. I hope it doesn’t come to that anytime soon.”

They held hands a moment longer with a lingering warm touch, then Azrael turned back to Chloe. “Are you ready?”

“More than. Let’s go.”

* * *

The hounds whipped around at their appearance. Chloe stumbled, still unused to angel style traveling. She fell on her ass entirely as one of the hounds snapped at her.

Azrael shouted a command word in Lilim, and they both stilled. After a short standoff, the angel bid Chloe to stay where she was, butt on the ground, and allow them to approach her.  Almost as one, their heads ducked and they sniffed, coming closer.

Chloe controlled her fear and waited. 

It didn’t take long. They both turned back to the jacket on the ground, smelling it, then in her direction, then back and forth a few times before Bonnie wagged her tail very hesitantly. Clyde looked at Azrael, turned back to Chloe and bowed his head over his paws. 

If one ignored the red, scaly skin visible where it wasn’t covered by dark brown and grey fur, the pair acted very dog-like. The horns, wings, and tails all said they weren’t. 

They folded their wings up tight against their backs, flattening the fur. It made their sides more pronounced. 

Chloe sat up, holding her hand out. Both creatures came forward to sniff her outstretched hand. They had dark eyes like Lucifer, but red tinged. It took a moment but she saw they were slitted like snake eyes. She asked, “Is it me, or are they kinda...overweight?”

“Hellhounds are working animals, and these haven’t been working. Mazikeen didn’t say if they’ve been feeding themselves, but they’re way friendlier than they should be. They probably haven’t killed or hunted anything in Hell in a long time. She thought they’ll still work out though. By the time Daniel gets to us, they’ll calm down enough to get down to work, I think.”

Chloe scratched the neck of the bigger one. Bonnie made a happy whine and leaned into it, dry scales flaking off her skin. She got a look at her claws - their feet made her think more of a chicken or maybe a CGI dragon. The fur ended above their mid-legs, making their feet look dainty compared to the rest of them. They reminded her of an odd combination of Eastern dragon, Greyhound and  _ Jurrasic Park _ velociraptor.

They were kind of adorable. “You guys probably need a bath, huh?”

The angel looked bemused. “They probably do. I’m sure Mazikeen will take good care of them when they go back.”

“I guess the can’t stay here looking like this, can they?”

“You  _ want _ them to stay?”

“Well, if we don’t have Maze, and demons come up every so often, it might be nice to have extra protection, wouldn’t it?” Chloe held out her other hand and scratched both animals at once. They both drooled, satisfied noises spilling from their throats.

“They really should go back to Hell as soon as possible…”

“Yeah, yeah.” Chloe let go and picked up her letter from Maze. “This made it sound like she doesn’t want them back.”

Azrael took it and read it over a few times. “...Okay, but you’re right, you can’t keep them here while they look like  _ hellhounds. _ And I still say it’s not a good idea.”

Both animals, their tongues hanging out, shook their bodies and turned into German Shepards. Bonnie was slightly larger, but their coats were nearly identical. Their domesticated dog disguises erased their heavier look, and both looked ready to do the bidding of their new master. 

Who was now Chloe, rather than Azrael. 

Azrael released a huffed breath. “Okay, good. That’s actually really good. They like you. It seems like they picked this look because of you.”

“Me?”

“You have a fondness for this type of dog, right?”

“Yeah, yeah I do. I had one as a kid.”

She petted Bonnie on the head. “Good girl. Okay, let’s get Daniel here so we can drive the rest of the way.”

“Uhm. Will they be able to track from the car?”

“You’ve never seen a hellhound run, have you?”

* * *

 

Dan hugged Trixie goodbye on the doorstep of Chloe’s apartment. “Okay, monkey, I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, but we’ll have a make-up Taco Tuesday, okay?”

Trixie grumbled. 

“Hey, I’m going to miss you. I hope we won’t be long. You’ll be good, right?”

“I miss Lucifer!”

Dan heard the stress in his own voice as he responded, “I do too, a lot.”

She grinned. “You do?”

_ Ah, shit. _

His daughter hugged him tight. “I think he likes you too.”

“Sure, we’re pretty good friends now.” His throat seemed oddly dry.

“Mom said that Lucifer had a lot of boyfriends and girlfriends.”

“Well. Sure, kind of. Not now though.”

“Do you think him and mom will get married?”

Dan’s heart fluttered. “I don’t know, monkey. Do you want them to?”

“Yeah, then I can have two dads!”

This really wasn’t something he wanted to continue talking about in front of the babysitter. He wasn’t in the mood to figure out if Trixie knew anything or not about the dating situation. He didn’t have time right now either. “I gotta go, honey, and help your mom find him.”

“You’ll bring him back soon, right?”

He started to close the door. His heart was heavy, but he couldn’t stop himself from asking, “hey, why do you think he likes me?”

“Because he smiles when he sees you sleeping on the couch when you stay.”

HIs breath escaped him. “Really?”

“Yeah, I’m usually up before mom and Lucifer, remember? When he comes down the stairs, he has this great big smile on his face. Mom does too. And Lucifer and mom talk about you when you aren’t around.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, like they wish you were. They keep talking about getting a bigger place so you can move in with us too.”

While it was something they’d discussed in private, he never mentioned it to Trixie. “Is that something you’d like?”

“Yeah, then you can have a room instead of the couch and we can all have breakfast together.”

He bit down the next question - which was, _ did they talk about a separate bedroom or just a bigger house or if Trixie just assumed he’d have a place or _ - He needed to run to the car before he lost it in front of his kid. “Okay, I really need to go now. Love you, monkey. I’ll give mom a hug from you too, okay?”

“Love you, dad.”

* * *

The sun was nearly down by the time Dan pulled off the side of the road. The road Azrael dropped near was thankfully not very busy, even for LA. Azrael waved at him from the top of a boulder, under which Chloe was playing fetch with two ordinary looking dogs. Big ones, but still.  

He got out, waving to make sure the dogs saw him before he got close. He’d had K9 training but never got in a unit. He could work with one fine, but for whatever reason, wasn’t picked. Probably his temper problems - not that he’d ever take it out on an animal, but the police dogs couldn’t stay still around him, picking up on his emotions and reacting to them. 

Lucifer’s poor suit jacket was no longer even recognizable as an article of clothing. 

Chloe introduced Bonnie and Clyde - mentioning that they were in disguise.

He held out his hand for them to sniff, and they did a back and forth routine, moving their heads like snakes. Their not-quite-dog behavior startled him but they settled down quickly and trotted to sit on either side of Chloe, waiting attentively, their eyes locked on the bag of tacos Dan held in his other hand. 

Chloe grinned. “I hope you brought enough for everyone.”

Bonnie licked her chomps.

Dan completely didn’t think of getting tacos for  _ hellhounds.  _ He fished one of his own hard shell beef tacos out of the bag, and broke it in half. He cut a glance at Azrael, “hey, can they… have human food?”

“They’ve been eating scorpions while we were waiting for you to get here, so I'm going to go with ‘yes.’”

“Okay then.” He carefully held each half out, and they bounded forward. He dropped the food, startled, but the hounds snapped it up - lettuce, wrapping paper and all. They sat still again and looked up with puppy-dog eyes. Ones that had a red cast to them, but still. “We’ll hit another drive-thru when we’re done rescuing Lucifer, alright?”

They wagged their tails. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My hellhounds are inspired by my own brain. Any resemblance to actual hellhounds (visible or otherwise) is entirely coincidental.
> 
> The dog diguise they take on is totally *not* a coincidence. 
> 
> I could have named the Salt and Pepper but I decided not to.


	5. Save Lucifer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Chloe talk. The hellhounds make themselves useful and Very Whumpy Things Happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied. There's one final chapter to tie things together, but then that's it, six will be the actual last one.
> 
> Tons of feels and massive Whump in this. Way more than I ever actually intended.

Azrael had overstayed the amount of time she could spend away from her duties and had to leave them.

But not without a comment under her breath about how if it were Michael rather than Lu, God Himself would have turned the earth inside out to find him. Dan opted not to ask a follow-up question.

She told Dan to pray to her if it was a dragon after all, but not for anything less. Or if the trail went out into the Pacific. She apologized several times and left them with the replica sword. She said it wouldn’t ignite since it wasn’t her original, but if for some reason they needed a big knife, there it was. She shrugged a little helplessly. Dan eyed the sword - it pinged his memory, but he couldn’t say where he’d seen it before. His hand flexed like he’d _held_ it, knew how to hold it or something, but the feeling of not-quite-knowing made the skin on the back of his head crawl.

Dan and Chloe had exchanged a look. Neither knew what the hell she meant exactly. He assumed he just had to add the question to the pile of the history of the universe he had yet to catch up on. For now, anyway. She passed on that Maze believed Lucifer would be fine - but then, he’d never been anything but ‘fine,’ hadn’t he? He’d fallen to the pits of Hell and was still living. What more could be done to him, if not by God Himself?

He didn’t put that thought to voice either, and the Angel of Death had to go. He finally got a good look at her wings when she spread them to leave. They were smaller than Lucifers but no less resplendent - maybe more wedge-shaped. They didn’t _glow_ like his did, but maybe it was a light reflection thing. He wondered if they felt the same, but he wouldn’t dare to try to touch any but Lucifer’s - who didn’t like them touched anyway. 

_What happens when people die, and the Angel of Death is otherwise occupied? How has she not gone crazy by now? How many angels are there? What was the original sword for? Was Lucifer serious when he said there used to be fairies?_

Chloe poked Dan in the shoulder. He must have been drifting. When he looked again, Azrael was gone in a dark fluttering. 

Ella's ley line research pointed toward strong possibilities north of LA, and that was the direction the hounds took off.

They still looked like German Shepherds, but they had their leathery wings out and pumping hard. If Lucifer turned out to be half the state away, they at least wouldn't be trailing behind dogs confined to the ground. 

Dan nearly tripped over himself getting back in the car when the hellhounds spread their wings. It’s not like his life could get any weirder at this point, right?

One of the hounds (Dan couldn’t tell them apart unless they were standing together) went ahead of the car, running on the ground and bolting along the highway at a solid 30 mph. The other flew ahead, a small dot in the sky that looked like an enormous bat, wheeling back and forth. 

Thirty miles-per-hour was quite a bit of speed for a dog, but not much for road travel in a car. They were given the finger and honked at a few times by impatient drivers around them. No one seemed to notice the huge bat-dog in the sky or they ignored it. It _could_ have been a big ass buzzard in the lower light if one didn't look too closely.

After a few miles, they went with the assumption that the Devil-nappers stayed on the road for as long as possible. Chloe got Clyde to jump in the car and stay in the back seat so they could travel at the speed of traffic. Bonnie made incredible speed in the air, comfortably staying ahead of the car pushing 80 mph when it was clear.

Chloe, the standard-bearer of obeying speed limits, gave Dan no grief for breaking them. 

After several minutes of closely watching for deviations in Bonnie’s flight pattern, she relaxed and helped herself to her dinner. She occasionally passed Clyde pieces of taco when he whined. Otherwise, he was a perfect gentleman. 

Clyde daintily took bits from her fingers. It was a certainty the hellhound had never experienced a car before (or tacos), but he took to riding like any other dog - and a well-behaved one at that. He sometimes looked out the other windows, but he stayed dutifully in the back, maintaining a careful watch of his hunting partner through the windshield. 

Dan was happy he got gas and dinner before leaving town behind them. Chloe texted Ella, updating her as the sun set entirely and night fell. 

Out of habit, she checked Lucifer’s last messages to her, sighing.

“Never thought I’d miss the Devil this much.”

She smiled softly. “I’d miss you too if you got kidnapped.”

“Who would kidnap me? As long as Lucifer is listening to either of us, _any_ kidnappers will be completely screwed.”

“Do you think he heard you?”

“I hope so. The hounds seem to sense him, so it’s the first thing that’s worked.” _It proves he’s probably alive too._ “If Ella’s research checks out, it’ll be nice to know it would have worked too. I’m just glad this seems to be faster.”

She tightened her jaw, enough for Dan to notice it in the light of the passing cars. He said, “do you want to try? There’s no way I can while I’m driving.”

She absently passed Clyde one of the taco wrappings to lick the cheese off, but he just wolfed down the whole thing, tearing and chewing the paper to get all the bits. “If we keep these guys, we won’t need a garbage can. I’ve tried from time to time before, but Lucifer said I wasn’t doing it right. I don’t think I’m ready to acknowledge that God actually exists. Somehow Luce can be with us, but outside the… _massive_ system that I spent most of my life pretending it doesn’t exist.”

“I grew up with it. Maybe I can help you.”

“Maybe.” 

Hours later, they passed the first of the leyline intersections well off to the right, without either Clyde or Bonnie indicating they should pull off the road and inspect it. It was just as well, as it would have taken half an hour to drive to, let alone trying to find it on foot. 

Chloe squeezed his hand. “I keep wondering if we should have involved the rest of the police department somehow, but we’re out of our jurisdiction by now.”

He smiled wanly, “why do I get the feeling that once you get into Heaven, you’re going to set up a crime-solving department there too.”

Chloe laughed, and it was music to his ears. “Well, if they don’t have one - and they probably don’t - I’m sure I’ll go crazy if I don’t have something to do up there. You could work for me - Eternal Decker Enterprises. What do you think?”

He couldn’t hide the stiffness in his voice. “Sounds like a job for you and Lucifer.”

Luckily she didn’t catch his tension just yet. “What, are you hoping they have oceans in Heaven so you can surf? I could come watch, and I bet they have nude beaches.”

“Sure, you just want to see if all the angels look as good as Luce naked.”

“Hah. What if the robes are just for ‘down here’ and everyone in Heaven is naked. We’d never leave our mansion or whatever it is we’d live in up there.”

He brushed off her attempt to be playful. “C’mon Chlo.’ I’m not getting into Heaven. On the plus side, the hellhounds seem to like me, so at least I’ll have friends there. Maze probably won’t even torture me that much.”

Clyde licked the back of his ear and he jumped so hard he almost let go of the wheel. He laughed though, “thanks, Clyde, I like you too. You can visit my cell and keep me company.”

Clyde rumbled an agreement that somehow didn’t make Dan feel any better.

He scratched the dog’s head over his shoulder, “see? I’ll have friends there. It’ll be fine.” He certainly didn’t feel fine, but it was what it was.

Chloe just _looked_ at him, her lips thin.

“What?”

“You’re _not_ going to Hell, Dan.”

“We both know that it’s more likely than not. Maybe if I’m lucky, reincarnation is a thing and I can come back as someone who doesn’t fuck up so much.”

She shook her head. “The hounds like me too, you know. And, if I go to Heaven, I lose Lucifer. Even if he doesn’t go back to Hell, he’s not allowed in Heaven either. He’s kinda stuck here. Have you thought about that?"

He hadn’t. “Hah. We make an interesting couple, don’t we? Or poly-whatever. We know forever is real now, and we won’t get to see it together. At least you’ll have Trixie. _She’s_ not going to Hell.”

Clyde seemed to sense their mood, putting his paws up on the console between them and leaning into Chloe’s shoulder. He grumble-whined. Chloe rubbed his chest below the collar, leaning into him too. “None of us are going to Hell, sorry, Clyde. If you go back, you’ll have to find a new master. Or stay here with us.”

The hound yawned wide, displaying a long mouth full of sharp teeth. He settled down again, tongue lolling. Chloe rolled down the back window, and he immediately stuck his head out, turning his face to the wind. 

Chloe picked at another taco. “You know, when we get a place, we should get one that allows pets. I don’t know if hellhounds count as pets or not - but they’d make great guard dogs.”

“You still want me to move in with you?”

“We know my apartment isn’t big enough, and the penthouse isn’t kid-friendly. Your apartment is even smaller than mine. I’d ask you to take Maze’s room for your private area, but I don’t think she’s really _gone_. There’s a letter to you too, by the way, from her.” She trailed off, looking at him unsubtly.

“I think I’d rather read it in private.”

“Do you know what it says?”

“I have an idea. But if I’m wrong, I think I’ll keep it to myself for now.”

Chloe checked her GPS. They were getting closer to the coordinates for the second leyline intersection. She opened her mouth and closed it, sitting quietly for too long. Finally, she asked, “do you _not_ want to move in with us?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know? Dan?”

He didn’t answer right away, swallowing hard on a lump in his throat and ignoring the hurt in her voice. “I don’t want to upset Trixie.”

“Why? What did Trixie say?”

“I saw your last text to Lucifer. I don’t know if I feel that way too.”

“When did you - okay, yeah, it was impulsive. And he hasn’t said it back to me. I don’t expect him to, honestly. I should have been more careful.”

“More private, you mean?”

“No, I mean, Dan. He’s like a kitten sometimes; you can’t make sudden moves around him. It’s okay to take your time. Our time, with this.”

“What if I never do?”

She sighed. When she spoke again, it was full of emotion, something she rarely let herself do, even in private. “We broke each other’s hearts, you know. And I know things didn’t work out well with Charlotte. And I _know_ you feel something for Lucifer too like he does for you. Maybe you could talk to Linda?”

He bit out, “I think Trixie has her heart on you and Lucifer getting married.”

She gaped at him like a fish. “For one thing, he hasn’t proposed. And he probably won’t because that’s a _human_ thing. One of us will have to do it first. And for another, Trixie is ten now, and she doesn’t have experience with parents in three-way relationships. We haven’t talked to her yet because-”

“-Because none of us want to disappoint her.”

“She’s a kid, Dan. She’s going to have a lot of disappointments in life - but we can’t let her define our lives especially since you are a part of it, of this too. You’re moving in with us, and that’s that.”

She didn’t miss the tug of his lips, even though he smoothed his expression again. “I am, huh?”

“I know we don’t always get to pile into bed together, but that’s going to change. When we have Lucifer back, we’re going to talk to Trixie. For real this time. No more sleeping on the couch just so you can have breakfast with us. Even if we don’t move to a new place right away, I’m gonna get a bigger bed when we get back. The queen size mattress just isn’t cutting it.”

Dan was quiet again for another minute. “He does get kinda overly warm at night, doesn’t he?”

“Roasting. That’s the only reason you can’t both sleep in my bed easily, with me. Hmm. Maybe next time I’ll let you two have it, and I’ll sleep on the couch.”

That got a good blush out of him. It reminded him of something she just said. Hesitantly, he asked, “you guys talked about me? Luce has...feelings for me? I’ve never seen him look at me with puppy-dog eyes the way he looks at you.”

“That’s because he doesn’t let you see him doing it.” She grinned and caught his wrist again, pulling it up to her face to kiss his knuckles. He started to do the same to hers, but Clyde howled.

They both looked at the GPS - it showed a service road that went off into the dark. They had just passed it and had to turn around. Bonnie had folded her wings and waited on the ground at the turn-off, bobbing her head impatiently. If there had ever been a street sign for the road, it was gone now. 

Chloe quickly updated Ella. Dan had to drive slow; the road was older and covered in sand and scrub in some places. And recent tire tracks. Bonnie loped alongside the car, sticking to the ground now and looking back at them from time to time. The headlights of the car made her eyes glow red with blue rims in the dark.

* * *

Lucifer _finally_ got his legs free. He could sit cross-legged now and actually sort of nap. He was well past worrying about flashing anyone in the short skirt. One or more of his friendly neighborhood arseholes put him in it, after all. His anger flared as he thought about filthy hands on him, without his permission or knowledge. Did they gloat over his naked body, congratulating themselves at restraining the Lord of Hell?

If he could just summon his Devil face back, he could probably get entirely free. 

He tried several times already, willing his body to turn scared and red again. Even if he couldn’t unfurl his wings, his full form might rip the bond across his chest. It’d hurt like a bitch, but he could live with that. He could feel it closer than before when he was actually angry and not just annoyed.

He stopped himself from just kicking the bindings from his legs. He couldn’t do anything with the strip of cloth, except maybe set it on fire. But that did give him an idea.

And he was very agile with his toes. 

Carefully curling his toes around one end of the strip, he scooted his butt as far from the spike as he could manage. 

Ironically, if he’d freed his arms first, it would have done him less good. His feet had more reach to the edge of the circle than his arms would from the short chain. 

He twitched his toes experimentally, casting the end of the cloth over the line of candles. It went up in a satisfactory fashion, flames leaping towards him as if they knew him as their rightful master. 

Unfortunately, that was right when one of the Tims returned to check on him.

Probably a Tim anyway. 

Lucifer managed to jerk his prize back into the circle and put out the fire, but the wrapping was already shorter than he liked. Smoke curled between them. 

Four more robed figures filed in silently behind him, standing at five points of the star in the circle. 

He felt real trepidation for the first time in...well, millennia. 

They didn’t seem intent on breaking the silence first, so he said, “I take it we’re getting this party started? Worst rave ever, by the way. Probably the longest I’ve ever been sober as well.”

He couldn’t get fully upright, not with the short chain, and he wasn’t about to stand stooped in front of any of them. He did get to his knees, but no one would mistake it for a position of supplication. 

They began chanting in latin, the four behind him joining hands and Tim the Second pulled his robes off, to reveal the face of someone he knew. Or had known, before the man died.

Father Frank’s right hand curled over a carved bone knife. It was cut from a single tooth, yellowed at the tip and fading to poisoned ivory. The grip had been whittled down to the pinkish white core, with the root making up the pommel. 

It was a work of art, distracting Lucifer in its beauty even as it registered in his mind what it actually was. They were fighting fire with fire. Without a hell-forged blade, the only hope they had to carry out their miserable plan was to find something Celestial. 

The dragon that fang was extracted from wouldn’t have fit inside this chamber. 

_I have to have a long talk with someone about that,_ was his first thought, followed by, _well, I’m buggered now._

The two directly behind him threw him to the ground on his stomach. They drew a mundane knife across his back, slicing the silk that bound his wings. 

They sprang free without his consent, eagerly seeking freedom from the bindings. 

The damn things had a mind of their own, and right now it was the mind of a cat with a laser pointer.

Two cultists to a wing very nearly wasn’t enough.

Nearly is a funny word. It may have as well been all or nothing, for all the good it did. He caught Enochian words mixed in the rough chanting that stuttered as they fought with him. He surged, arching up against his captors, a sarcastic quip forming in his throat abruptly turning to a scream as his wings were spiked into the ground at the major joint, crucifying him to the floor. He kicked out and something with bones in it broke behind with a satisfying crunch under the ball of his foot.

He wasn’t convinced he was truly fucked before. Now he was. Terror he’d not felt since the Fall bubbled up in his chest, cold and clammy where he touched concrete, pushed into it by the weight of four men. 

His cheek pressed hard against the unyielding floor, he could see his own blood from the wing starting to pool toward him, reaching for his face like a lover.

His breath drew harsh and fast, making the feathers close to his face react. His wings finally reacted as well, fluffing out hard in all directions, the slicing edges caught some of the fabric of the robes and got into skin too, mixing human blood in with his own flowing free. 

Someone cursed and let go, but his all his nerves from the tip of the spike on down were dead to his instructions. The free one twitched in reflex, lashing at the remaining man and stabbing into his legs deeply. 

The feeling of triumph passed as Frank plunged his dragon’s tooth knife into the skin right at the wing joint. The demon possessing him either had never served as a torturer or didn’t care for any sort of finesse. 

It occurred to Lucifer that if he died here before his wings were removed, he might arrive in Hell with them still attached. It was reckless beyond anything he ever thought of before, but he wrenched his upper body, impaling himself to the lung on the knife. 

‘It hurt like a bitch’ was an understatement of truly epic proportions.

His lungs were on fire, wrenching each breath in stabbing slow motion, blood dripping from his teeth to add to the carnage. 

He had nothing left, no attention to spare for what might or might not still be happening.

Then.

_Was that a...howl?_

The weight lifted. The bloody knife came free from his back with another line of pure fire. Gunshots shattered stone around him and leathery wings flapped nearby in a whirlwind of howling vengeance and pain.

The lead cultist drew a gun, bringing it up to fire at his rescuers. 

Left-handed and in a blinding rage, Lucifer grabbed the dragon knife and plunged it into the possessed body. 

Father Frank died in his arms again. 

As he passed out from _everything,_ his hand and arm became completely covered in blood.

* * *

Lucifer didn’t wake up in Hell.

But it felt like it. 

His hounds restlessly paced either side, literally licking his wounds in their full demonic forms and whining in their throats. He was still on his stomach, but he at least had been laid on a blanket and his bindings had all been removed. Another covering lay over his ass and legs, but he couldn’t say what it was without looking. And he was in no mood to look. There was a phone on the ground in front of him. It was already on with the little green connection icon brightly lit in the middle. 

_Technology. What a wonderful thing._ His soul ached as he came to realize why his rescuers were keeping their distance from him. His throat was raw and full of the taste of blood but reaching out to text was out of the question, even if he could move his arms now. “Ello?”

“ _Oh thank-Whatever.”_ It was Chloe. “ _Can we come closer now? How are you? Dan had to drag me away from you so you wouldn’t die, then I had to keep him from running back to you.”_

He started to respond in the affirmative, but he wasn’t sure how long he’d been out. His wings were in bad shape and shot through with blood and pain, even without the rods of metal stabbed through them, which had been removed. This vulnerability thing was becoming a real inconvenience.

The cultists must all be dead. 

He couldn’t find it in him to feel bad about it.

He could see red at the corners of his vision, but it was pitch black outside, which was where he seemed to be. He tried to put his wings away, but they wouldn’t cooperate. Neither did his back, but he didn’t think he was in immediate danger anymore. “Please.”

They stampeded to him, and he realized that one of the hounds was licking his bare scalp. 

He had his face back.


	6. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our intrepid trio finds a nice place to recuperate. Ella is helpful. Amenadiel less so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! actual last chapter. I hope you enjoy the fluff. Sorry for all the angst and pain. Except not really sorry.

_-Minutes before-_

 

Chloe fell to his side, frantically looking for a way to get him sitting up, shouting his name. 

Lucifer changed before she got to him, and it was dark - most of the candles had been knocked over. Odds were that she hadn’t gotten a good look. He pulled himself up to his elbows, but that was as far as he could go before his wings screamed at him. 

Daniel came in behind her, making a gagging sound, but pulling a flashlight and clicking it on. 

The hounds had torn the throats out of two of the cultists in their eagerness to protect Lucifer. The other two standing cultists had been shot and were down, and the first corpse lay limply on the floor.

Neither detective spared time for the cultists they shot, and the wax ring held most of the blood outside the slab. Dan yanked out the first spike, dropped it and ran around to the other side, giving the hounds as wide a berth as possible while still rushing. He had to retreat to the first rooms to find a crowbar to get the second one free.

Chloe picked up a knife from the ground and started cutting the last bond at his back, keeping him tied to the ground.

The drop spike was thrown across the room by one of them; whichever of his captors last held it, he was dead now.

Lucifer went dizzy as blood rushed from his head downward and he had to fight to balance himself against the unequal pull of gravity against his wings - one was hanging at a sickening angle. Blood ran down his back freely and hot.

Chloe reached out to him, her hands against his face, pointing him towards her. “Luce? Can you hear me?”

His jaw worked. He had blood in his throat and teeth, hot and thick. “Yes.”

“Can you put your wings up?”

He began to shake his head, then stopped as his stomach, empty but for the blood he swallowed, rebelled strongly. “No.” 

He wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but he could barely focus on staying upright. His vision swam to black, but he realized he’d started to fall back, looking into the depths of the cavern ceiling. Dan grabbed him from behind, aggravating the wound unintentionally. He screamed, and Chloe paled. She held him up under his arms at the elbows. “We have to get you out of here. If you can’t walk, it’s going to be hard. We have to get around these - _Is that Father Frank???”_

She didn’t mean to be shrill, she really didn’t. Dan followed her stare over Lucifer’s shoulder. It was him. Or his twin brother. 

Lucifer’s throat clenched, and it hurt to talk, so he kept it to short phrases. “No. Demonic possession of his body. I forbade it. Centuries back.”

“Was he... possessed when he was alive?”

Breathing wasn’t any easier. “No. Demons must have gotten around my order by using dead bodies instead of living ones.”

She looked back over him, at Daniel. “Okay, later then. Let’s get you out of here for now and regroup.”

He passed out of awareness again for a few minutes as they move him, working together. He collapsed just outside the door of the temple and words were spoken over him that he couldn’t make out, but he heard footsteps retreating, and he nearly panicked again, overwhelmed with the idea that they suddenly decided to abandon him.

His beasts stayed with him, assuming their hellhound forms. Trying to get up again on his own set every nerve he had in his body on fire and knocked him out with the combination of blood pressure changes and pain.

When he came to once _again_ with the phone swimming in his vision, it was with red hands lying on the cold ground. He must have taken on his Devil face without trying to, triggered by the scent of Hell that followed them everywhere they went. 

He banished it with a curse.

The night passed in a jumble of pain and blacking out and finally a place to rest.

 

_-Now-_

 

Lucifer woke up in an unfamiliar bed. 

The world was sideways and everything hurt. 

A lot.

His inner ear picked a direction, and he knew which way he was facing.

One thing going for him was that the pain was dull. It throbbed like a disappointing orgasm, except less fun.

Which _does_ happen from time to time, even to him.

He lay on his stomach, face pressed into the pillow. He decided not to open his eyes just yet, getting his bearings. 

He knew he wasn’t in Hell. His palace was too hot or too cold. There was no part of Hell that was a pleasant temperature. There was nothing in Hell that was truly _soft_ , except his wings.

_Here, not only shall you rule Hell, but the only thing here that can possibly comfort you are the things you now hate - the one thing Father didn’t take entirely. He dimmed your power, changed your name, and now you are a monster, the monster you always were under it all in Heaven but tolerated like a cute stray animal. The one no one saw before now but you knew was there. Now they can all see it._

Michael always resented that they were twins. That Samael wasn’t perfect like him. They had been like quantum particles - thanks to Ella, he had a name for it now - mutually responsive to each other. Sometimes twinges still came through, and Lucifer hoped Michael flew away as far as he could every time he threw an orgy. 

They were like a single plucked string that sometimes vibrated at a perfect pitch. If he were very lucky, Michael felt all of what just happened - his imprisonment, the knife, the spikes, all of it.

He was rarely that lucky. Lately, though, kidnapping aside...

Hands of the human variety crossed on his lower back and _someone_ was snoring like an Albanian field wench. That made him smile into his pillow.

The memory of insisting he not be left alone in bed came back to him. He reached for them, and they came without hesitation, cleaning the worst of his wounds and wrapping him in their arms and legs and the warmth of their bodies.

It was going to take a lot longer for him to heal his injuries with them here, but he was already _done_ with being alone.

He’d endured worse pain than this. And he is healing. He can feel things knitting back together like an itch inside his body. If he concentrates, he can almost mark the progress over minutes versus how fast he heals without them close. He decided last night it was worth it. The late morning light changed nothing.

After the Fall, he’d had no one. He had been tossed from a world of comfort. He didn’t even know what Hell was, other than an abstract. Stories told to younger angels or disobedient servants or the other inhabitants of Heaven. 

It was never dark in Heaven, not even at night.

It was never bright in Hell, not even...well, ever. He was denied the sight of his stars in Hell. Even his throne was a mockery of his fall - reaching for the skies but never any closer to what he lost. Towering above the landscape and visible to all, he was shown his place of punishment when he rose from the ashes of the pits. 

_Here is your place. You may rise above those you rule, but you will never escape it._

His heart climbed in his throat then. He had another throne, one which could be approached on the ground level by demons and supplicants. But this one - this one was made for him. A constant reminder that Hell was _his._

Separate, but part of it.

As above, so below.

Alone of equals or peers. 

The other Fallen were no longer his brothers or sisters, but twisted, angry creatures who served him only because he was more powerful than they. And they tested that power time and again.

It was exhausting. 

He'd had no one for a very long time. No one he could confide in, no one he could trust, no one he could reveal even a sliver of weakness to. Vulnerability was death. 

Maze came later. The only one who told him the truth. The only one who followed him out of both fear and a kind of love born of respect. They learned to protect each other, a very rare thing in Hell - not the ‘scratch my back’ kind, no tit for tat. It was like that at first, but gradually, he stopped keeping score. She never did, but that was alright. She never held the balance against him, not until after he took her from her element. 

Not until he underestimated her.

And now she had gone back. He knew it in his bones, the same way she learned to know where he was at all times in Hell. 

He had to go see her. _Panic_ , a new old friend, clawed up his gut and he tried to get up out of bed, he decided to - but he was lanced with pain from stem to stern, his body protesting sudden movements.

The bodies next to his curled against him in sleep in response, under a wing blanket. He fought the unbalance of peace and panic, remembering things, drawn from the present to a dark past.

_His wings were out. They shouldn’t be out when I’m asleep, the demons could get them, get their claws in them - Need different wings - something safer._

_Something scary._

He tried to pull them in but couldn’t, and nearly blinded himself with the pain of trying.

It’s not where he is now. He took in a deep, shuddering breath (ow) and craned his neck to look up.

Floor-to-ceiling glass windows told him where he was. They were at one of his properties that overlooked LA from the surrounding area — probably found from Daniel’s previous research. 

He tried to twist to see over his shoulder, but pain raced through him again, inciting a nervous whimper from - _oh._

The bed was chock full of bodies with him in the center of it all. The bottom end had two more creatures, his hellhounds are in dog form and wriggling around with his waking movements. The smell of brimstone clung to them, even if faintly - probably not helping with his dreams last night or morning reminiscing. Their awkward presence was welcome all the same.

His rescuers picked the right property - this one had a bed as large as the one at his penthouse. He planned on putting it to better use than sleeping.

His memories weren’t entirely done with him yet. 

 _I killed Father Frank. My friend. No, a demon, but which one?_ He tried to remember the smell, but the demon had occupied the body for what had to have been at least a year, making him (or even her) a very patient demon indeed. That narrowed down the list of suspects. 

Someone pulled up a chair with a chuckle. “Don’t get up, Luci.”

Flatly, “Amenadiel.”

“I’ve said before you really shouldn’t mix humans and divinity, but this is ridiculous.” 

He could hear that there was at least a frustrated smile in his voice even if Lucifer couldn’t turn enough to see him. He didn't have the fortitude enough to make a joke about mixing _his_ divinity with anything. Additionally, he couldn't be intimate in any sense of the word with his detectives with him _there_. 

Well. He _could_ , but it might put them off as well as his brother. “Go away.”

“I don’t think I’ve seen you hurt this badly...before,” he trailed off uncertainly, remembering he never  _visited_ his brother in Hell, never saw him in person after the fall until Lucifer began making trips topside. "I was worried about you."

Lucifer was having none of it. “If you’ve come here to comfort me, consider your job done, and be on your way.” 

Bonnie quickly picked up her masters’ mood and growled at Amenadiel, who glared at her but scooted his chair back a little anyway. “I don’t like the looks of those wounds on your wings.”

“Yes, well, Calgary iron used for Christ’s crucifixion will do that for you. I certainly didn't ask to be staked to the ground like a tent. I suppose it could have been worse, with a tree and vultures and whatnot."

“You know as well as I that there was no ‘Christ’ - not in the sense that he was called."

“Tell that to his fellow humans who murdered him for telling them to be nice to each other. It only takes belief to make a grail holy or a man a martyr. Don’t tell me Dad didn’t have a soft spot for the sodding carpenter after that.”

Amenadiel hedged, “he _was_ given special status in Heaven…”

Daniel, on his right, had been unsuccessfully feigning sleep since Amenadiel spoke. “What?”

“Don’t worry your little human brain about it, love.”

A nose pressed into his shoulder and the larger of the two arms over his waist tightened. Dan hadn’t shaved in a few days, and the new golden growth tickled his skin. “What, not ‘Douche’?”

He teased, “if you prefer Douche, we can stay with that.”

Dan spoke against his shoulder and tried to shuffle closer. “Only to you. But...I like the other one better.”

Lucifer was feeling generous. Truth be told, he missed his humans too. Waking up with them was somehow different from his previous endless lovers, but he still couldn’t put a finger on why it was so. “Hmm. It’s simple, like pudding. And universal.” 

“Like pudding?” He drew in a deep breath, taking in his smell. Lucifer’s trapped arm was pressed up against his body. He would take advantage of waking up this way, with Trixie over at Chloe’s, but other needs had to be met. Right now, he was just happy to have him back. 

There was probably a future waiting for him where Amenadiel walked in with incredibly bad timing, but today was not that day.

“If you mean ‘dessert’ then yes. As long as you’re awake, Daniel, do you mind confirming Amenadiel’s observation?”

“Hmm?” He was starting to feel a little self-conscious with Lucifer’s brother in the room. Thank Whatever he pulled on sleep pants last night. As much as he loved having feathers against his skin, he'd pulled on a shirt too to protect himself from any broken feather shafts. They'd gotten a few last night, but by the time they got in, it was a miracle they made it to bed rather than the floor. He started to move. He didn't realize how much adrenaline he had been running on.

Amenadiel started to reach out, fingers extended toward his wing. “I can-”

Lucifer's eyes blazed with heat and fire. “No!”  

“I got it.” Dan quickly swung his legs out from the bed, groaning as he slid out reluctantly from under the heavy wing. It had been over a week since he’d gotten to cuddle his Devil in any bed. He supposed he should be grateful it was the middle of the week now and off work for the day. The three of them taking a sick day at the same time would look weird, but it couldn’t be helped at this point. Neither he nor Chloe was going to let him out of their sight today. Or ever again, if at all possible. It wasn’t, but he could live in the fantasy a little longer.

Lucifer would have to bribe the entire precinct with boxes of donuts. Maybe a food truck. 

He gently smoothed down the dinner-plate sized feathers closest to him, keeping his fingers away from the fighting edges; the long vanes were soft now, but they could still give him a papercut. The feathers flexed under his light touch, warm and bright. As if he were walking around a nervous horse, he touched his way up the long edge of the wing, closer to the bony joint where he had pulled out the bloody, foot-long spike last night. He barely even remembered doing it, working in a blind panic as they found their angel impaled to the floor and fighting for his life. “It looks a lot better than it did last night. Do you want…?”

“Do it.”

Dan went to the leading edge, carefully pulling up feathers here and there. Many were still blood-stained, and he needed thorough bathing. A bath sounded nice. He found the first wound quickly enough - it was red and raw and not quite closed. It no longer _looked_ like he could hang a gold hoop earring from it. “It’s not bleeding. If this were a gunshot wound, you would be on antibiotics, and I’d at least stitch it up. Do you want me to check both front and back sides?”

“The front’s not as bad.” Lucifer grumbled, “can you do that? Stitch it?”

“If you have the supplies here, sure. That kind of thing isn’t in a first-aid kit though. You can’t use a dollar store sewing kit for this.”

Lucifer forced some wryness into his voice. “Amenadiel, you heard my man. Errand run. While you’re at it, make sure the booze is stocked up.”

“I’m not your servant, Luci.”

“Fine, I’ll pay you a finders fee. What are you making as a fake doctor again?”

“I’m not- nevermind. I’ll take it out of your stash here. Ella is here too, she’s sleeping, out there on the couch. She might have some of the medical things you need.”

Daniel switched sides of the bed to check the other wing. “Get dinner for everyone too. Luce isn’t going anywhere until he’s better.” The other wing was about the same, and the wound was raw and sore but not bleeding. He almost forgot about the one that made the right wing hang limply - the upper middle of his back was a mass of dried blood and feathers clotting the gravest injury. Lucifer really shouldn't have gone to bed this way, but this wouldn't be his first set of sheets that had to be burned.

Dan poked Chloe until she snorted and woke with a sleepy flail in Dan’s direction. She grumbled, “what?”

“Time to get up, sleepyhead. Luce needs some attention.”

“Ughn.”

He carefully lifted the injured wing to give her space to crawl out. The pink cotton tank top she’d worn to bed had shifted almost up to her breasts to reveal her bare middle. 

Dan couldn’t resist the temptation. Being careful not to jostle the wing further, he buried his face against her stomach and gave her a giant, wet raspberry. The dogs’ heads both shot up in alarm when Chloe squealed under the assault, checking their new human friends.

She tried to wriggle into a better position, but then Lucifer used his arm on that side to hold her hips against his with a mischievous smile. 

Chloe grabbed her pillow and whacked Dan in the face with it. He couldn’t let go of the wing, and therefore couldn’t retaliate. But he could give her an insufferable grin. She let go of the pillow to give Lucifer a solid smack on his ass too, so he let her get away, but not without a pinch on her butt. 

She didn’t have to hold back slapping Dan’s ass - he wasn’t injured -  so she didn’t. It stung like hell, but he didn’t give her the satisfaction of more than a grunt. “Kiss it better later?” She growled and ducked when Dan blew her a kiss, and she stalked off to deal with breakfast in mostly mock irritation.

The look on Amenadiel's face was priceless.

* * *

Warm water sluiced off Lucifer’s upper back, taking old, dried blood and broken pieces of feathers with it. 

Fresh blood surged to the surface as the mass came undone. The knife had done a grievous amount of damage, cutting down and through two ribs. The most grisly injury had healed already, but if there were any hospital he could have trusted, he would have taken Luce there last night. Even now, he had regrets about the way Lucifer had to be handled for the ride to the house.

Dan had rolled the windows down on his car and used the dragon knife to turn his sedan into a convertible, leaving the roof and window struts of his vehicle on the side of the road. 

The metal screeching in the night was worse than the sound of shrieking banshees, but he got it done. 

They drove the whole way back like that, wings fluttering openly in the wind and sort of covered by a blanket. One of his Detectives called in a favor to not get pulled over with ‘prop wings and a busted car.’ 

In the living room, Ella confessed that she had lifted a bottle of codeine from the evidence locker, just in case. Lucifer took some gratefully while he sat out on the patio. He put his arms over the back of a sturdy chair, breathing shallowly as they worked. 

Ella helped Dan clean the back wound. The first cut angled toward the base of the wing, where the demon had begun to sever it and was at least a handspan long. She and Chloe held pressure while Dan stitched it up. It wasn't his best work, but at least it wouldn't leave a scar. He pressed his tongue against his teeth and moved to the next wound. He hoped ‘vulnerability’ didn’t extend to needing antibiotics.

Following their instructions on removing damaged feathers, Ella made a sad pile of them quickly. She focused on feather alignment while Chloe and Dan carefully plucked small feathers from around his wounds to keep them clear of the healing skin. Dan was a little worried about the wounds that didn’t just heal up like they were supposed to. He and Chloe had tried going for a long walk away after getting up, but the torn flesh didn’t just close on its own. Lucifer was sure it had something to do with the fact that the weapons were items of power, ancient and imbued with other properties like Azrael’s blade had been. 

The Devil groaned in protest when asked for further information, so they let it go for now. The wounds didn’t look infected, and they were better after sleeping, but they would both keep an eye on them.

Lucifer slowly began to unwind from the codeine and the three pairs of hands combing through his feathers. They worked in silence until Ella suggested one of her playlists. By the time Amenadiel returned, tinny notes from a phone speaker of Elle King's _Ex's and O's_ faded off in the middle of a list loaded with pop rock.  

He watched them, standing stiffly and wanting to help, but Bonnie growled at him again, and he went inside, not wanting to press the issue for now.

The sun beat down until Ella confessed she had to stop before her arms fell off. She vanished inside with a quick and unnecessary apology. 

The last feather settled into alignment and Lucifer could _finally_ furl his wings away, but the right one needed some awkward help. And it hurt like Hell to do it.

The wings vanished into his naked back. Chloe slid her hands to his neck into the back of his head and damp hair. She bent to kiss his head, keeping her nose against his curls. 

Dan worked below her hands, covering the new sutures with a clean square bandage and taped down the edges.

Lucifer reached up with his left hand to squeeze one of Chloe's. "Thank you for your help. Let's not make a habit of this, shall we?" He straightened his back, looking down ruefully at his swim shorts he wore for modesty with Ella and Amenadiel around. They were blood-stained and quite ruined.

Dan came around to his front, running a hand through his hair. "What did they want with you, anyway?"

"To send me back to Hell. Permanently. I don't know if it would have worked."

Chloe wanted to hug him from behind, but it would hurt him. She ached to squeeze him tight. "How?"

"They knew about you, but not Daniel, your effect on me. Used it to their advantage. The only talkative one in the bunch was human and not the leader. The demon who inhabited Father Frank was not the monologuing sort. He's dead, the Celestial qualities that would have allowed him to sever my wings destroyed him."

Dan sat in another patio chair. "Maybe Maze can ask around for you in Hell?"

"She might. Hell isn't exactly rife with investigators she can lean on. The fact that the demon _didn't_ spit out his great plan also narrows down my list of suspects. Demons tend to think highly of how clever they can be - it’s likely he bragged about his clever plan to someone down in Hell before going up.”

Chloe stood. "Okay, but why now? You've been gone for ages."

"You and I have different definitions of _ages_ , love. I haven’t been away this long before.” He shifted in his seat  “Maze says things aren’t good down there. I’m sure they’ll sort it out eventually.”

The humans looked at each other hesitantly. Dan asked, “do you have to go check in?”

“If Dad wants someone in charge, he can send one of my relatives. I’ve washed my hands of it.”

“Okay, but - and I can’t believe I’m asking this, but will Maze be alright?”

“She was fine on her own for however long she existed before she came to me. I didn’t ask her to stay. I’m sure she believes she can handle herself without me.” 

* * *

After dinner, from a massive bag of sub sandwiches from a local chain, Ella and Amenadiel left. Bonnie and Clyde ate an entire Philly Cheesesteak sub each, which Lucifer regretted allowing after he took a long look at them in their Hell forms. He shook his head at them, “really, I leave for six or so years, and you get into this state?”

They both ducked their heads, whining and bowing in embarrassment. He clucked. “I suppose I shouldn’t have assumed you two would find a new master. You clearly can’t be trusted to take care of yourselves. I spoiled you too much in Hell, and you’ll just have to stay here until you’re back in prime shape. Honestly, I’m surprised you weren’t set upon by the other hounds.”

Chloe grinned and petted Clyde. “They look fine to me. Who’s a handsome boy?”

Clyde whined/grumbled and leaned against her, looking up at Lucifer with the most pitiful eyes a hellhound could manage. Which was still pretty pathetic.

He rolled his eyes. “I suppose you two deserved a holiday too when I left. Well, vacation is over for you. You’ll be watching over my significant others and their spawn from now on, understood?”

They grumbled in unison, ducking their heads again and submitting. 

“You’ll never have seen a human child before, but don’t be alarmed. She might do rude things to you, but she doesn’t know any better, so be nice to her.”

Bonnie and Clyde looked around curiously.

“She’s not here. You’ll know her when you see her.”

Chloe couldn’t hold back laughter anymore. “Do they really understand that much?”

“Of course. They respond better to Lilim, which I may try to teach you both some time, at least the basics if you ever have to command them.”

“Oh right, Maze sent me a letter with their names and command words, but I don’t know how to pronounce them.”

The hounds submitted to an extensive bath and grooming. Both Dan and Chloe received instructions on how to tend to scaled skin, removing the dead pieces like they were huge scabs and using a sharp blade and a file to trim their claws (not _nails)_ and overgrown horns. 

They purred like huge cats, nuzzling the humans with real affection, accepting them as, if not _masters_ while Lucifer was present, then as beings within his circle, like Maze.

The food probably helped too.

Now clothed in a pair of grey trousers and a light blue shirt, he read his letter from Maze while Chloe and Dan worked. They found an extra hairbrush somewhere in a bathroom, and Clyde presented his back to Chloe for brushing. 

Bonnie watched jealously until Dan scratched her ears. 

She leaned into his touch until she was curled up entirely in his lap. Then it became a jealousy war with Clyde making happy noises and Bonnie demanding even more petting and brushing. Lucifer eyed them, called out a single word and both hounds sprang to his side and lay like statues. "They're not puppies. Don't let them walk all over you or they'll become completely useless as working animals. They're of the _abyss_ , not the state fair."

"Well, they're pretty cute for the abyss." Chloe grinned, and Clyde wagged his serpentine tail three times then controlled himself with a guilty look up at Lucifer.

He relented, waving his hand like the ruler he used to be, and both hounds flashed away, morphing into German Shepherds on the fly and bolting off to play in the woods behind the house. He watched them vanish. "Which of you are responsible for the breed?"

Dan looked at Chloe. She stood, brushing not-dog hair off her jeans. "Both of us, I think. I had one as a kid and Dan wanted to work with a police dog, which is traditionally those." She collected the hair and other grooming refuse and threw it into the fire pit with the broken and discarded feathers. Lucifer set it aflame with a word from across the patio.

Dan got up and stretched, crossing his arms over his head and allowing himself to relax for the first time in days. He still had the three days or so of facial growth and Lucifer was on the verge of pinning him down and shaving it himself. “I think it’s my turn to get cleaned up. Chlo?”

“I am covered in hellhound hair, so yeah.”

“Luce? You shouldn’t join us in the shower with that bandage, but that doesn’t mean we can’t get to the rest of you in a bath.” 

* * *

The bathroom wasn’t soundproofed, but this house had real doors, unlike the penthouse, in both aspects.  

Lucifer scrubbed Chloe’s feet as she leaned back against the far side of the tub. He was careful not to tickle her, but she jerked a little bit with a smile every few seconds. He had to sit upright enough to keep his covered stitches out of the water, which also meant no splashing. He was also very distracted.  Dan sat outside the tub, a towel around his waist, washing Lucifer’s hair carefully with a cloth around his neck like at a barbershop. 

His natural curls sprang up against the dampness as Dan towel-dried his head, and he found himself plunging his fingers back into it for a scalp massage. Chloe grumbled as his fingers went limp, and he made low sounds against Dan’s working fingers. 

Dan finally asked, “significant others, huh?”

The Devil muttered a vague questioning sound.

“You called us that, remember?”

“Well, aren’t you?” 

“We fell into a holding pattern, but we haven’t actually talked about it, and then we almost lost you.”

“Well, you didn’t. Here I am, safe and sound in your arms. And hands. That’s very nice, keep doing that.”

Dan dug his thumbs in behind Lucifer’s ears, loosening knots around the top of his neck. His lover might be laid back about the fact he could be hurt around - and by - them, but Dan was not. The Devil who had never been remotely mortal before in his entire life up until a few years ago, trusting them both with this. 

It meant _something_. Lucifer wasn’t careless. He could twist around and behead Dan with his wings if he ever decided to try to hurt him. The morbid knowledge flicked it’s tongue at him though, a passing dark thought with no basis in reality. Neither of them would ever hurt him, or he, them. 

Sometime in the last few weeks, Dan had gotten over the idea of _male partner_ to simply _lover_ and now he was coming to terms with the fact his angel wasn’t some sort of alien from another planet - even though that thought hat been much more comforting for a time than _eternal being of light that lit the universe_. 

His comfortable boxes had to be broken open some time.

It was worth it. “Ms. Summers wants you down at HR to make it official for work. I’m going to be harder to get rid of now. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Hmm. Any regrets in the blood aftermath?”

“Luce, I know I was supposed to be a good time for you, maybe even for each other. I went along with it, because, well, you are. I didn’t think it would lead to anything significant and you’d get tired of Chloe and me wouldn’t want to share you anymore. Frankly, I wouldn’t blame her.”

He sounded doubtful. “Are you saying you’re the one getting tired of me?” he tensed up, chin raising as if looking out a window. Withdrawing.

This was never easy with him, was it? He kissed the back of Lucifer’s head. “No, Luce. The opposite, actually.”

“What then?”

“Suddenly, you were gone. And my heart went with you. Something I didn't know I still had to give again. I’d closed myself off, emotionally, because of the risks. I’m ready to move past that now."

Lucifer, frustratingly, shook his head. “You’re under my influence. You aren’t immune like Chloe is.”

Dan gave him his own cocky grin, poking him in the arm. "You aren't immune to me either. That has to _mean_ something. The mornings I get to wake up with you or Chloe...I wanna keep doing it. Especially the rare, precious ones I get with both of you."

“That and the sex.”

He nodded to himself. “The wing blanket is pretty amazing too.”

“Don’t get used to it.” he shifted in the water, no less tense. 

Ugh. "Sorry. The thing is,” he ran his fingers through his hair, trying not to look over at Chloe. “I don’t want to lose you again. Either of you.”

“You’re rambling, love.”

“Give me a break. I haven’t had a boyfriend before. _Or_ both a girlfriend and boyfriend at once."

Lucifer couldn’t resist smirking from his higher position. “Well, if you must put a label on it-”

“I do, yeah. And maybe we’re too old for those kinds of cheesy labels, but if there’s one thing I am good at, it’s being cheesy and making dad jokes.”

“That’s two things.”

Dan took the towel away and moved to cross his arms on the side of the tub so he could be face to face with him. “I want to touch you in public - shut up - and have it mean something. We told HR at work, but no one we work with really knows, and most of them aren’t going to react well when we come out. And it is a kind of coming out - people don’t bat an eye at two guys or two women together anymore, at least not here, but It will impact all of our work lives, even if you believe it won’t, Luce.”

Chloe nodded too, dropping her feet to the bottom of the tub and moving closer. “It’s a big deal. You’ve made out with probably everyone there at some point or other. They’re used to you fooling around - shut up - but this _is_ different from doing it all the time with just two people.”

He tilted his head, watching them, “but you want to do it anyway. With the Devil.”

“Yeah…” She looked down for a second, then back up with a smile. “I don’t know if you got your phone back yet, but...I love you.”

His slightly baffled expression made Dan laugh. “Yeah, that’s about how I felt too the first time she said it to me. And I think I love you too. I know I'm not immune to your power the way Chloe is, but I know what I want.”

Chloe’s smile reached her eyes as Lucifer met them with his dark brown ones. “You don’t have to say it back. I know you don’t think anyone can love you, but that’s something we can talk about too. But get used to hearing it. For now, you can focus on figuring out how to live with us.”

He recovered his composure with a snort. “Detectives, you act as if I’ve never resided with anyone before.”

“Well, have you?” She considered it and added, “with humans?”

He huffed. “I’ll have you know-”

“Luce…”

“Well, I suppose not really. How different can it be than what we’re doing now?”

Dan licked his teeth. “Chloe is talking about our living arrangements."

He cut an eye at her. "Oh?"

She nodded firmly. "We're going to tell Trixie that her dad will be sharing the master when he stays over, and I’m buying a bigger bed even if I have to wedge it in there with a crowbar. I don’t know where yet, but we need to discuss using one of your properties or a new one to move into together. I won’t ask you to give up your penthouse or anything else - you’ll need it for your club probably and to have your own space, but we need a bigger place.”

"Well, aren't you suddenly high maintenance?"

She raised a single eyebrow. "Pot calls the kettle what now?"

"I've always been high maintenance, love. Luckily I can afford it." He turned back to Dan. “Is that all?”

“Can we see what you looked like last night? That was what you lost before, right?”

“Why on earth would you want to?”

“It’s probably going to happen again. And because it’s a part of you. And you should know we’re here for you no matter what.”

“Well, it’s been lovely knowing you both, but if I show you here, in my full power, you’ll...leave. Permanently and not just however many yards away it takes for me to heal.”

“I saw what you really looked like last night. We both did. Call me crazy, but I doubt your...cosmic general sex appeal could override the fear of _that._ I’m saying it doesn’t matter what you look like; we’ll still be here.”

“Daniel, darling, no one has ever reacted to my Devil face with anything but abject terror. It’s always been my tool for survival in Hell, and I used it there to great effect, sometimes on earth too.”

“Can you do it again? Go full Satan?”

He shifted and winced. “If you go running off the patio, Chloe will have to go get you. She might run too, you know, immunity or not.”

Lucifer looked up at each of them, from one to the other. “Can I ask for one last kiss before you both run away from me screaming into the hills?”

She rolled her eyes and kissed him, soft and quick, like it wouldn’t be their last. Dan kissed him hard like he was trying to convince him otherwise.

Lucifer knew better. He was trying very hard not to enjoy their naked kisses right this second. “Do you at least want to get dressed first?”

Chloe sat in the middle of the tub, legs crossed, in front of him, waiting. “Nah.”

He sighed, dropped his gaze to the surface of the water, and changed. 

The twin gasps he expected happened. They reached out to each other, clasping their human hands together and unaware they’d even done it, knuckles white against each other.

They saw him in the ritual chamber before he realized what had happened, and he forced himself back. It was in the shadows, and this was in the full light of day. Maybe the first exposure would be enough of an inoculation for them not to check themselves into the nearest asylum. or be checked in by someone else.

But he didn’t dare hope. He didn’t dare look up.

In fractions, the hands lost tension but remained clasped. 

No one was screaming, he realized.

Two hands, one from each, hesitantly touched his face — their thumbs on his cheeks. Eyes, blue and grey, met his black and red ones.

He let his breath out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The letters (and Maze) will be addressed int he next installment of this series.
> 
> THERE WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE PLOT. JUST SEX.
> 
> Oh well. There will be more sex too. And also Plot. Because ponies.
> 
> Also: holy crap I actually finished another multi-chapter story. Maybe my brain can get back to other ones.

**Author's Note:**

> Dun DUN dun!!!


End file.
